I Will Never Be The Same
by Space Chick
Summary: Don't want to give it away, but it is Duo and Hilde! Just read and please review!
1. I Will Never Be The Same

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

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Song by Melissa Etheridge

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I Will Never Be The Same

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So you walked with me for a while

Bared your soul

Hilde closed her eyes as she looked out her window. She left him. She couldn't stay near him. She couldn't even have him now. Not like she had wanted. A few tears rolled down her smooth cheeks. All because of that woman and his own stupidity. "That bleach blonde, surgically enhanced bimbo," she hissed out at the darkened city below. She slammed the window shut, closing out the world of New York City. She fell to her knees beside the window and began to cry. "Oh Duo, how could you," she sobbed brokenly. 

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And you told me of your plan

How you would never let them know

After several minutes of indulging herself in tears, she wiped them away with her hands. She stood and went to the bedroom of the spacious loft apartment. She washed her face off and down the drain went the evidence of her tears. She sighed and went back to the kitchen. She sat down at the table and began chopping onions that was going with the steak for dinner. Her chest ached with the suppressed emotion not released. She took another deep breath. _"Duo please get out of my mind. **Tough luck sweetheart, he's there to stay. **Why do you persist in bothering me? I'll never have him. **But he is part of you whether you like it or not. **I wish I never loved him as much as did. **As much as you still do. **No. **Yes. Admit it Hilde. You will always, always love him, no matter what you say or do to feel like you don't." **_She put the knife down and stared at the onions and started crying again. 

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In the morning of the night

You cried a long lost child

She couldn't stop. And she damned herself for still loving him. She could see him in her mind. His cobalt eyes flashing mischievously and his braid waving behind him like a banner, and his smile, that incredible sexy smile that would never fail to make her heart turn to mush. And one night, her wildest dreams came true. But unfortunately they had both been a little bit drunk, but she still could remember the feel of his hands and the touch of his lips on her skin. When she had woken up the next morning with a hellacious hangover, she tiptoed from his room and went back to hers, not being able to look at him in the face. And when he had come in to her room later on that morning, he didn't remember what happened and she, brokenhearted, hadn't told him. 

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And I tried oh I tried to hold you

But you were young

And you were wild

"Stop it," Hilde hissed at herself as she tried to pull herself together once again. She stared at the blurry onions. She heard the front door open. She hurriedly wiped her eyes with her hands and began chopping the onions again. And when the kitchen door swung open, she pasted a slight smile on her lips. She looked up. "Hello, darling, how was your day?"

"Fine, love," Robert Anderson replied as he set down his briefcase and kissed her forehead. He noted the tears and the splotchy face. "What's with the tears?"

"The onions," she replied with an audible sniff. She laughed softly up at him. _"How I wish it was the onions. But sadly it is not. And if I told you, you wouldn't be too happy."_

But I, I will never be the same

Oh I, I will never be the same

Caught in your eyes

Lost in your name

I will never be the same

"You want me to take over?" Robert asked as he sat down across from her. 

"Oh, no, no, it's all right. I'm almost done anyway," Hilde said as she smiled at him. "You go and sit down in the other room. Dinner will be done in no time at all."

"All right, if you insist. Call if you change your mind," he said as he pressed a kiss on her lips before he left the room

She sucked in a breath of relief as the door swung closed. She put the knife down and went over to the counter with the chopped onions. She dropped them onto the steak before folding the foil around it to keep the flavor and the juices. She slid it into the oven. She washed her hands off and then rinsed the knife off. Her fingers slid along the edge, slicing open her thumb. "Dammit," she cursed softly as she grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around the wound. She bit her lip as she looked down at the blood soaked paper. And she could remember the last time that she had cut herself in the kitchen and Duo had taken care of it. He had bandaged it himself like she had done for him all the times he would come home hurt. He had needed her to take care of him, like she had needed him to take care of her. All the times she would listen to him talk about his past so he wouldn't have the nightmares he would have every once in a while. And she treasured those moments when no one else existed except for her and him. 

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Secrets of your life

I never wanted for myself

She opened her eyes and threw the paper towel in the trash, discarding it like she was trying to discard the memory of Duo kissing her finger afterwards, teasing her by saying it would make it better. She shook her head and turned away and went back to the sink. She ignored the sting of the soap as it seeped into the cut. She sucked in her breath sharply and held it as she held it under the water. She pulled out a band-aid from the kitchen cabinet and put on her thumb. She began to make the rest of dinner. Mashed potatoes and fresh carrots. By the time the steak was done, so was everything else. She opened the door. "Rob, dinner is ready," she called. 

"All right love," Robert called back as he looked at the little pixie as she stuck her head out the kitchen door. He went over to the china cabinet and pulled out dishes and set them on the glass table. 

Hilde brought out the dinner, placing the food in the center of the table. She smiled at him as she sat down across from him. "How does it look?"

"Looks wonderful. As usual," he replied as he picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. 

She watched him as he ate. His table manners absolutely perfect in every way, unlike Duo, who enjoyed food to the fullest, like, he did everything else. Piloting, fixing machines…women. She bit her tongue this time, not wanting to even think of the last part. That was the part of his life that he hid from her. The number of women that he dated. And he dated a lot. She knew why. Who didn't want to be with a God of Death like Duo Maxwell? She certainly wanted to be. 

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But you guarded them like a lie

Placed upon the highest shelf

Robert noticed that she was lost in thought. "Hilde, sweetheart, what are you thinking about?"

Hilde looked up quickly. "Nothing, I was just thinking about what we could have for dessert," she lied as she took a sip of her wine. She looked away from his probing gray eyes. _"Hilde you baka!" _

"Well instead of having to figure out something, I'll think about it. You already made a wonderful dinner," he said as he watched her cornflower eyes flicker back to his. 

Dinner seemed to progress as usual. She was able to carry a conversation, but her mind would keep on wandering back to him. The braided baka she had fallen in love with. 

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When I woke up to find you gone

I knew your distant devil

Must be draggin' you along

She began clearing up the dinner as soon as Robert was finished. When he started to rise, she shook her head. "I'll do it," she said as she whisked the plates away and into the kitchen. She put them in the dishwasher and hung her head. Her memories of the past refusing to let go and let her be happy. _"I will be happy. **No you won't. **Don't say that! I will be happy! **You'll never be truly happy without him.** That's a lie! **Oh is it?" **_ She shook her head, trying to dispense with her arguments that were frozen in her mind. Death had her and she couldn't get free.

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But I, I will never be the same

Oh I, I will never be the same

Caught in your eyes

Lost in your name

I will never be the same

She plunged a sponge into the water and began scrubbing the pans she had used. Ignoring the soreness of her thumb. Punishing herself for her thoughts and her fantasies. She heard Robert come in behind her and slip his arms about her waist. "I'm almost finished," she said as she looked at him over her shoulder. She saw his grin. "What?" she asked as she let the sink drain. 

"I think I know what we can have for dessert," Robert said as he kissed her lips. He gradually pulled her away from the sink and locking his arms tight around her tiny waist. 

Hilde closed her eyes, hoping that his kiss would block out her memories. But in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but compare him and Duo. She let him sweep her up in his arms as he carried her to the bedroom and lay her down on the bed. She let him make love to her and it brought tears to her eyes and a lump to her throat as she thought of the only one before him. 

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And you swore that you were bound for glory

And wanting you had no shame

And when she cried out, it wasn't Robert's name that echoed it her mind. **_"Duo, I love you."_**

But I loved you

And then I lost you

And I will never be the same

Later when she heard Robert finally fall asleep with his arm around her waist, she let the tears fall once again, silently. She held up her left hand and looked at it. The silvery band on her left hand shone in the lights that seeped through the sheer drapes. The ache in her chest became more painful. The man she loved belonged to someone else and she belonged to someone else now. And all it did was make her cry all the more. 

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But I, I will never be the same

Oh I, I will never be the same

Caught in your eyes 

Lost in your name

I will never be the same.

She finally fell asleep, but like every night, it wasn't peaceful. For all she could see was those cobalt eyes in her dreams and the one time she was Death's girl. 

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Author's Note: Depressing isn't it? Hoped you liked it! There will be more to come, so stay tuned for more! 


	2. She's Like The Wind

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

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Song by Patrick Swayze

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I Will Never Be The Same, Part 2

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She's like the wind through my tree

She rides the night next to me

Duo rubbed his temples as he fell back on the couch as soon as he walked through the door. She was gone. Gone without a trace and if anyone even knew where she was, no one was telling him. He would admit it. He missed Hilde, her laughter, her sense of humor, and the way that her nose would wrinkle when she was annoyed with him. But she left without a word to him, only leaving a note with Quatre to give to him. In the note she had expressed her regret on leaving without telling him and the fact that she had sold her part of their business to him. And she had hoped he would be happy. The note was splashed with what looked suspiciously like tears. He had felt his stomach tighten when he noticed that. And even being three weeks ago, his stomach would still churn and his heart would now constrict painfully. He sighed. "Hilde, where did you go?" he asked to himself.

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She leads me through moonlight

Only to burn me with the sun

He knew why she left. She didn't have to say it or write it. The reason was standing in the kitchen at this moment. She had hated her and she had told him in so many words. That was another thing that he missed about her. Her honesty. She was the only one who had cared about him for so long. She had soothed his wounds when he was hurt and had washed away his nightmares of his past with her words. And she had also scolded him with her scalding tongue. She was one woman he didn't like pissing off. And he missed that. He missed her like crazy. And all because of his libido. 

"Duo love," Brittany called as she came out of the kitchen, her blonde hair swinging as she walked. She saw him sitting on the couch with his eyes closed. 

Duo peeked one eye open. He regarded the reason Hilde left. His wife. "Hello Brittany," he said as she sat down next to him. She was a beautiful woman. Blonde hair and deep amber eyes and a lush figure that would make any man's palm itch. His included and he had fallen prey to her. He loved her and yet there was a place inside of him she couldn't seem to reach. 

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She's taken my heart

But she doesn't know what she's done

"Do you want your dinner?" she asked as she looked into those intense cobalt eyes of his. She couldn't understand why he was so quiet the last three weeks since their marriage. But she knew it had something to do with that raven-haired bitch he had lived with. Hilde. The woman she had disliked immensely because of the closeness that she had shared with Duo. And she didn't like to share. And she thought once that Hilde was out of the way, Duo become completely hers. But it hadn't worked out quite as she planned. She leaned forwards and pressed a kiss on his cheek. "Duo, do you want dinner or do you want to skip right to dessert?"

His eyes fell away from hers and glanced down at the generous cleavage swelling above the neckline of her sweater. The sex was good, but there was something missing. Her hair wasn't silky midnight black and her eyes weren't deep cornflower blue and her body wasn't reed thin with gentle sloping curves. She wasn't her. She wasn't Hilde. And he didn't have the heart to tell her or rather that he didn't have a heart because he had lost it. Hilde had taken it with her and he couldn't get it back even if he wanted to. But he hid it from Brittany. Didn't want her to know or to find out that she wasn't the one he dreamed about constantly. 

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Feel her breath on my face

Her body close to me

Can't look in her eyes

She's out of my league

Just a fool to believe

I have anything she needs

She's like the wind

When he didn't answer, Brittany stood. "I have something for you," she said as she walked back into the kitchen. She brought out the newspaper and handed it to him. "Read the wedding announcements," she said as she sat down again. 

Duo looked at the announcements that graced the page. His eyes fell on a photo. His heart dropped and his stomach tightened as he read the paragraph next to it. 

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Prominent American doctor, Robert J. Anderson the Third, 25, of Boston, Massachusetts, married Hilde Ann Schiebecker, 20, of Brussels at his family's summer home in Hyannis Port on May 4, A.C 200. The bride wore a vintage Vera Wang gown of white silk and carried a bouquet of Peace roses. The happy couple resides in New York City.

His eyes widened a little. He knew that she had been dating Robert around the same time he had started dating Brittany. He wanted Hilde to be happy and apparently if the photo was any indication, she was. He just didn't expect her to marry him. Robert was a nice guy but he didn't think he was man enough for Hilde. Or man enough to make a woman of Hilde. _"Hold that thought right there. "You know Hilde is a woman in the truest sense of the word. Or don't you remember?" _He did and he didn't want to. Didn't want to remember that night. "I'm happy for her," he replied and the need to drown in the pain became starkly clear. He pulled Brittany down to his lap and sealed his mouth against hers. Trying to forget. 

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I look in the mirror and all I see

Is a young old man

With only a dream

He stared up at the ceiling in the bedroom. He glanced over at Brittany, lying with her back to him. He still didn't feel any better. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and went over to the dresser. He pulled out a pair of boxers and lifted the bottom of the drawer up a little and drew out a slender navy blue satin ribbon. He closed the drawer and threaded it through his fingers. He glanced up at his reflection in the mirror. He lowered his eyes and looked back down at the ribbon in his fingers. He left the room and went into the room down the hall that had belonged to Hilde. He sat down on the edge of the bed and undid his braid. He redid it and at the end, tied the navy ribbon. He tossed the braid back over his shoulder, letting it trail down his back. The moon spilled through the window and over the white-sheeted bed. The light was nearly blinding to him but he let it wash over him. The pain that ached inside him would never go away. Hilde was married and all she could be now was an elusive dream that he had let slip through his fingers. All he had was a memory. He let himself remember that one night five weeks ago. 

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"I bet I can drink you under the table," he said with a mocking grin. 

"You think you can braid boy," Hide had snorted disdainfully. 

"I know I can babe," he stated smugly.

"All right. I'll show you," she had said with a gleam in her eyes. "Bring it on!"

"All right baby, you asked for it," he had said as he took out a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. 

They started matching each other drink for drink, looking into the other's eyes, and daring the other to give up. When neither of them did, they moved onto the bottle rum and proceeded to match shot for shot until Hilde almost passed out. Both of them were definitely drunk now, her a little more then him. He half carried her and she had half carried him up the steps. 

"Walls spinnin'" Hilde had slurred as she leaned into him. 

"Cuz we was drinkin'" he had mumbled back. 

She giggled as they leaned against his door. His hand had found the knob and with a thud, they had both fallen onto the floor with him on top of her. She giggled again and looped her arms around his neck. 

"You're heavthe," she had said, punctuating her statement with another giggle. 

And he then he was kissing her and she was kissing back. His hands sliding under her shirt over her smooth skin and her pulling off his. Soon they were lying in his bed and he had his hands all over her. And with breathless gasps and moans, she urged him on. Neither of them not quite knowing what they were doing. And in an instant, she was his. They had fallen asleep with his arm resting around her waist. 

He smiled ruefully. He had made a woman of her that night. He vaguely remembered breaking through her virginity and her small gasp of pain. He was alone when he had woken up the next morning with a hellacious hangover. And he had stumbled into her room to check on her. He thought the night before was just a dream and she hadn't corrected him otherwise. He didn't really know that it was reality when he looked down at the sheets in his bed and saw blood. Her blood. It was very little, but enough to make him realize what he had done. But she didn't bring it up and neither did she. And when Brittany thought she was pregnant, he had married her. He didn't want any child of his to grow up without a father, but as it turned out, she wasn't and Hilde was already gone and now she was married. The ache in his heart intensified, making it hard for him to breathe. He needed her. He needed Hilde. 

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Am I just foolin' myself

That she'll stop the pain

Duo lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering if she was ok and if she was really happy. Brittany and Hilde had not gotten along. Hilde had called Brittany a "one credit whore," and Brittany had called Hilde an "icy bitch." He had let his hormones do the thinking instead of his brain. And for all of his own stupidity was married to a woman, he really didn't love. He cared about her, yes, but he didn't love her. And now he was without the one that he did.

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Livin' without her

I go insane

He covered his eyes with his hands, trying to block out the moonlight. It was so bright, almost like Hilde's smile. He would have to make the best of it though. He was going to make the most of this marriage, even if it tore him up inside. It was a punishment he deserved for letting the one woman he had really wanted slip though his fingers like a mist. She was gone now. Never to return and all he had was memories. The feel of her skin was engraved on his fingertips and the way that she had tasted was burned into his mind. And he knew that every time he made love to his wife, he would be wishing it were someone else. Someone with midnight hair, cornflower blue eyes, and a figure that wasn't overblown with curves, but soft ones that were just beautiful. "Hilde, please forgive me," he whispered into the lonely night. 

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Feel her breath in my face

Her body close to me

Can't look in her eyes

She's out of my league

Just a fool to believe 

I have anything she needs

She's like the wind

Duo fell asleep there, wishing she were there with her arms wrapped around him. But his sleep was anything but peaceful when all he could dream about was her. The woman that held his heart. 

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Author's Note: I'm surprised I haven't made myself cry yet! This is getting depressing isn't it? There will be more coming soon, so stay tuned!


	3. Hiding the Truth

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

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I Will Never Be The Same, Part 3

Hilde looked at the test again. "Uh, uh, that can't be right," she said as she studied the directions again. "No way. Absolutely no way," she said as she then stared at the pregnancy test in front of her. "It can't be right." She slid to the floor of the bathroom. She had been married for three weeks. She had always been irregular, but she hadn't gotten it for weeks. She thought it was because of stress, but apparently the test was telling her the complete opposite. "I have to go to the doctors. This can't be," she said as she hurried into the bedroom and made a call to her doctor. "Thank goodness," she sighed as she hung up the phone; "she has an opening at twelve thirty." She looked at her watch. It was noon now. "I best get going," she said to herself as she picked up her purse and ran out of the loft.

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"Yes, Missus Anderson, you're about eight and half weeks pregnant," Doctor Monroe said as she flipped through her chart. "Didn't you suspect that?"

"No, I thought it was stress and I have always been irregular to begin with. I didn't think that I would be…" Hilde trailed off as she looked down at her hands. _"Eight and a half weeks! That means…**Yup, the baby isn't Robert's for damn sure! It's that cobalt eyed, chestnut braided baka that you're still in love with! **Oh no! What is Robert going to say when he finds out it isn't his! I can't tell him I'm almost nine weeks pregnant! **Then what are you going to do? **I don't know, I'll have to think of something…and fast!" _

"Well no need to worry, good thing you came just to be sure," Doctor Monroe said as she smiled at her. "I'll prescribe some prenatal vitamins for you. I'm sure that Robert will be very happy."

"Yes, I'm sure," Hilde said, smiling weakly at her. She rubbed her hand over her still flat abdomen. _"**Are you at least happy? **Yes, I'm happy. Happy that I'm pregnant with the child of the man that I loved. **Still love baka girl!" **_ She watched as the other woman left the room and she started to get dressed again. She looked at her wedding band. "What am I supposed to tell Robert?" she sighed as she picked up her purse and went and left the room.

"I'll want to see you again in a few weeks to see how you're doing," Doctor Monroe said as she handed her the prescription. "And maybe will have an ultra sound done and we can see your baby."

"Sure," Hilde replied as she glanced at the prescription. She paid her bill and left the office. She walked back out onto the street. She put her hand on her lower abdomen again and couldn't help but smile. She felt joy rush through her at the thought of the baby belonging to Duo. "At least I'll be able to keep a part of him with me," she said ruefully as she walked through Central Park towards her home. By the time she had arrived home once again she had figured out to tell Robert when he came home. 

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"Hilde, I'm home," Robert called as he dropped his keys on the gleaming glass hall table. He set down his briefcase under it and went to look for his young wife. "Hilde," he called again, but he then saw the table all set with steaming food and candles glowing. "Sweetheart?" 

"Yes," Hilde replied as she came out of the kitchen with slices of turkey. "I'm glad that you're home," she said as she took off her apron that covered her pale blue sundress."

He took in the sight of his wife. "Is this a special occasion that I don't know about," he said, taking in her attire. He smiled as she put her arms around him and gave him a kiss. 

"Sort of," she said as she led him to the table. She looked up at him though her lashes. She could tell that he was puzzled by what she was doing. But she would have to make proof positive that he believed everything that she told him. Dinner progressed and she was loving and attentive as she could be. "Do you want any dessert?" she asked as she leaned forward on her elbows. 

"That would be nice, but I would really like to know what you're up to?" Robert asked as he took her hand in his and kissed it. 

"Well, I went to the doctor's today and well, let's just say that we're both fine," Hilde said slowly, making sure that he caught it. 

"We're? Does this mean that you're…"

"Yes Robert, I'm about six weeks pregnant."

"Six weeks! Love, I'm so happy," he said as he went around the table and swung her around in his arms. "I'm going to be a daddy! I love you so much dear," he said as he kissed her. 

Hilde smiled against his lips. It had worked. She had been so upset with Duo getting married that she had begged Robert to make love to her. That had nearly been six weeks ago. He would never know that the baby she was carrying wasn't his. 

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Nearly seven months later, December 23 A.C 200

Hilde smoothed her hand over her very extended abdomen. She sat with her feet propped up on the couch. She had begged her doctor not to tell Robert that she was actually further ahead then she actually was. She closed her eyes as she remembered their conversation.

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"Cheryl I don't want you to tell Robert that I'm twelve weeks pregnant," she said as she looked at the woman over the desk.

"But why Hilde?" Cheryl Monroe asked, giving her a puzzled look. 

"Because he thinks that I'm only ten weeks pregnant," she had said looking at her hands.

"Why would you tell him that?" Cheryl asked.

"Because what I'm about to tell you, can never leave this room," Hilde said taking a deep breath, "The child I'm carrying, isn't his."

Cheryl looked at her wide-eyed. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh, but I am. The child isn't his, but he can never know that," Hilde said tearfully. 

"If your child isn't your husband's, whose is it?" Cheryl asked looking at the young woman across from her. 

"Someone else that I loved very much although he didn't know it. We were the best of friends, but I was so in love with him. We got a bit drunk one night and we ended up in bed. I was a virgin and when I woke up that morning, realizing what happened, I fled to my room. He didn't remember though and I didn't tell him," Hilde said as she wiped a tear from her cheek. 

"Oh Hilde," the older woman said, offering Hilde a tissue. "What about this other man, does he…"

"NO! He'll never know. He's now married to someone else and I just want him to be happy," Hilde said as she straightened up in her chair. "I don't want him to know, ever."

Cheryl smiled sadly. "I won't tell Robert, Hilde. I'll keep your secret," she said as she came around and put a comforting hand on her young patient's shoulder. 

"Thank you so much Cheryl," Hilde said as she got up from her chair and left the office.

Hilde sighed. She knew she would be delivering soon, any day now to be exact. She looked out the window at the snowfall. She smiled as she got up and went over to the window to watch the lacy flakes dance through the air. She hadn't felt great since waking up about three hours ago. It was noon now. She sighed again and put her hand on the cold glass. "Oh Duo," she whispered to herself. Just then she felt a stabbing pain and wetness slide down her legs. "Oh shit! Robert! My water just broke!" she yelled. 

Robert came running from the kitchen. He looked at her with wide eyes. "NOW! But it's too early," he exclaimed as he helped her to the bedroom. 

"Well he doesn't care apparently, because he wants to come now!" she snapped as she found a clean nightgown to put on. 

He nodded his head absently as he pulled out her suitcase and helped her put on her coat. He bustled her out of the loft and down to his BMW. "I'll call Cheryl," he said as he pressed the code into his cell phone and started driving. 

Hilde felt some more pain wash through her. She could hear him talking to Cheryl on the phone as he navigated the New York streets. And all she could think about was what her child was going to look like. That had been an oversight on her part. She knew that there was no sense in worrying about it now. She looked up and saw that they had made it to the hospital. She felt Robert put his arm around her and help her out. _"This is it."_

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**A Little After 9:30 P.M**

"Come on Hilde, just one more push," Robert said as he stood behind her, supporting her. 

"What do you think I'm doing you baka!" Hilde hissed as sweat beaded on her forehead as she struggled to push her child out into the world. 

Cheryl smiled as she looked up at her. "I can see the head Hilde. One more and it'll be all over."

"It better be because I would rather rot in hell before going through this again!" Hilde growled. She hunched her shoulders and with every bit of strength left in her small body, she pushed as hard as she could. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A cry spilt the air as Cheryl held up the baby up. "It's a boy!" she exclaimed as she looked at the baby in her arms. "And with big lungs too!"

"A boy, a boy," Hilde said weakly as she plopped back against the pillows. _"Duo's son."_

Robert smiled broadly as he proudly cut the cord. He watched as a nurse took him to be cleaned off and weighed. He went back to Hilde's side and kissed her brow. "Thank you love for giving me a son."

Hilde smiled faintly. "You're welcome," she replied looking up at him. 

Cheryl took the boy from the nurse. "He's quite hefty too. Eight pounds, ten ounces, twenty-one inches long. And the bluest eyes I've ever seen," she said handing him to Robert. 

Robert looked down into his son's face. His eyes blinked when he saw how intensely blue his son's eyes were. He had only seen another person with eyes that intense before. 

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"Hi, I'm Duo Maxwell. Hilde's told me a lot about you," Duo said shaking his hand. 

"Nice to meet you too Duo," Robert said, looking at the deep cobalt blue eyes in front of him. 

He shook his head. "What a time to remember that," he said as he brought his son over to his wife. He laid him down in her waiting arms. "Here you go mom," he said softly. 

Hilde looked down at the blue blanketed bundle in her arms. She looked into the cobalt eyes. One's just like his father's. _"Oh Duo, I wish you were the one here with me looking at our son. I wish I were the one lucky enough to be called your wife. But your son Duo, he has your eyes. And he's loud just like you too." _She smiled ruefully. 

Cheryl noticed the sad smile that crossed Hilde's face. _"Poor girl." _"So what are you going to name this little bundle of joy?" she asked.

Hilde looked up. "Brendan Joseph Anderson," she stated proudly as she looked up at Robert. 

"A strong sounding name for such a little guy," Robert said looking down at her and his son lovingly. "I'm a little relieved though. She's was two weeks early," she sighed looking back at Cheryl. 

"Oh that's not unusual. There's nothing wrong with him. He's very healthy," Cheryl said as she gave Hilde a worried glance. _"Hilde, how long do you think you can keep this from him. He's bound to notice that Brendan's eye color doesn't match yours or his. And he's a doctor, he should have been a little more observant. I hope you know what you're doing Hilde."_

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****

Later that night

Hilde sat quietly in her bed, composing a letter. She was telling Quatre she had a baby. She corresponded with him regularly. But he would think that the baby was Robert's too. She wanted no one to know it was Duo's. She especially didn't want Duo to find out. She sealed the envelope and wrote the address on the back. She rang the nurse. 

'Yes Missus Anderson," the petite nurse replied as she came into the private room.

"Yes, could you take this to be mailed for me and would it be possible for you to bring me my son too?" Hilde asked as she handed the girl her letter. 

"Right away," the nurse said as she took the letter and stamped it before taking it out to the mailbox outside. She then went to the nursery and brought back the baby. "Here you go Missus Anderson," she said, handing Hilde the baby. 

"Thank you. I'll ring for you when I'm through," Hilde said, smiling at the nurse as she nodded her head and left the room. "Lights off," she said, shrouding the room in darkness. The only light coming into the room was from the moon, shining brightly now. She touched Brendan's face gently. "Oh my little one, I'm so glad that I have you now. I know you're eyes will never change, no matter what Cheryl said to Robert. They'll remain the color of your father's eyes," she said, rocking him back and forth. 'Oh Duo, how much I tried to let you go, but I can't now. I'm the mother of your son. You'll always be a part of me and not know it," she whispered in the darkness. "I just wish you were here with me," she said as tears slipped down her cheeks as she felt her heart break once again. 

__

Author's Note: Here is the next installment! I hope this wasn't as depressing as the first two. There will be more coming up soon, so stay tuned! XOXO!


	4. Angel

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

****

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 4

Duo looked up into the winter sky as snow stung his cheeks. He pulled the collar of his Preventers jacket up around his neck. He walked up the steps into HQ and up to his office. He walked by Quatre's that was just next door. The door was partially open and he could see the blond Arabian reading something. "Hey Quatre, what's up?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Quatre's head popped up and his aquamarine eyes fell on Duo. They widened a little and he looked back down at what he had been reading. It was Hilde's letter. He pulled his drawer open and stuffed it in. "Hi Duo. What brings you to my office this early in the morning?" he asked he pushed his chair back. 

"Oh no reason really. Just felt like stopping by. If I stopped by Wufei's, I'd give him a reason to chop off my braid," Duo said with a grin. "But you know I wouldn't be able to resist giving Wufei a wake up call worthy of the God of Death."

"What does that mean?" asked Quatre. There was a loud clatter and a splash. Then "MAXWELL!" was yelled out. Quatre winced. "I guess that was what you meant." He gave Duo a reproachful look. "Someday, he's going to make good on his threat and kill you, you know," he said mildly. 

"You know Wufei wouldn't actually kill me, just chase me around with his katana some," Duo replied cheerfully as he sat down on the edge of the desk. "So what were you reading when I came in?" 

Quatre was at a loss for words. "Oh, it was nothing really. Just uh…uh letter," he said, a slight flush coming to his cheeks.

Duo arched his brow. "Quatre, you could never lie worth a damn. So what are you hiding from me?"

Quatre slunk down in his chair a little. "Well, the letter was from Hilde," he replied slowly, glancing away from his friend. He had seen the shocked look on his face. "She's doing well. She says that she's happy and for you not to worry about her."

Duo felt his heart drop at the sound of her name. He felt some blood drain from his head. His Hilde. "Is that all she wrote?" he asked, his heart beginning to pound hard against his ribs.

"Yes, that's all she wrote Duo," Quatre answered, watching the braided pilot's face drain of all color. He could feel the pain wash through Duo. He had felt some hurt coming from him ever since he married and when Hilde left. And now it was flaring. 

"Oh, well, thanks for telling me," Duo replied, flashing a faint smile towards him. "I'll see you later, okay," he said softly as he turned and left the office. He went into his and closed the door behind him and leaned against it. "Hilde."

Quatre got up and closed his door. He raked his hands through his hair. He could feel such intense agony coursing through Duo. "Duo I'm so sorry. I know how much she really meant to you and I wish I could tell you that's she's a mother now, but I know what kind of pain it would cause you to hear it," he said as he squeezed his eyes shut in sorrow.

******************************************************************************

Duo drove home slowly, his mind still reeling. He hadn't been able to think of anything else for the entire day. He opened the door and walked in, hoping that Brittany didn't hear him coming in. He heard her laughter. She was on the phone. He sighed in relief and tiptoed up the stairs. He went down the hall to her old bedroom and shut the door behind him He locked it. He shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on the dresser. He sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned over, pulling out a carved box from underneath. He stared at it for a moment before he opened the box. Inside were photographs of Hilde. He dumped them out on the bed before standing up and turning on a small radio. He sat down on the edge of the bed once again and began sort through the pictures. Then a song came over the radio that seemed to fit Hilde. It was Aerosmith's Angel.

__

I'm alone

Yeah I don't know if I can face the night

Duo looked down at the photograph in his hand. It was of her, blissfully asleep. It was clearly summer by the way that she was dressed. She was wearing a white tank top with a pair of white bikini panties. She looked every bit of an angel. 

__

I'm in tears

And the cryin' that I do is for you

He felt a lump form in his throat as he traced his finger over her peaceful features. 

__

I want your love let's break the wall between us

Don't make it tough I'll put away my pride

Enough's enough, I've suffered and I've seen the light

But he had never let her know how much he loved her. He hadn't even realized it, until it was too late. He was blind to what had been right in front of him for five years. And now he was suffering for it in the worst way. 

__

You're my angel

Come and save me tonight

You're my angel

Come and make it alright

You're my angel

Come and save me tonight

He didn't know how much he would crave her touch. Just her hand resting on his shoulder would make him feel better. And she held him when he couldn't sleep, when nightmares seemed to keep him awake. She was an angel. She was his angel.

__

Don't know what I'm gonna do about this feeling inside

Yes, it's true loneliness took me for a ride

But he didn't know how he could hide his feelings for Hilde from Brittany. He didn't want to hurt her. It wasn't her fault that he was a blind idiot. Even though he had someone to sleep with, to hold on to, the loneliness inside of him, still existed. 

__

Without your love I'm nothing but a beggar

What can I do?

I'm sleepin' in this bed alone

He smoothed his hand over the white sheets of the bed. Sometimes he could almost imagine her still sleeping in this bed, her inky hair sliding over the pillow in disarray. And how much he actually wished that he could have held her when she slept. He only had that one night to hold onto, but if he thought hard enough, he could still feel her soft warm body in his arms. 

__

You're the reason I live

You're the reason I die

And during the war, she had been the reason for him to live. She was too innocent to be left alone and he cared too much to let her alone. But at the same time, he knew that he would have died for her in an instant in order to protect her. 

__

You're the reason I give

When I break down and cry

Duo smiled ruefully. He had let her see his weakness. She could see that beyond the big bad God of Death façade and see the scared little boy that still remained within his heart. She was the only one to see his tears and see the vulnerability that no one else could. 

__

Don't need no reason why

Baby, baby, baby

He looked at another picture of her, sitting on the couch reading a book. She looked so adorable in her black leggings and her huge sweatshirt. He went back to the one of her sleeping. He didn't know why he loved her. He just did. There was no reason. It was just her and her alone. 

__

You're my angel

Come and save me tonight

You're my angel

Come and make it alright

You're my angel

Come and save me tonight

She had been like a guardian angel for him. She was always there when he needed her. And now that he lost her and knew how much he loved her, he wasn't sure how long he could keep his marriage to Brittany stable. She would pick up on his moodiness soon enough, if she hadn't already. He put himself in a quandary. He lay back on the bed with the picture pressed against his heart and finally let the tears fall silently down his cheeks. He indulged himself for a few minutes before he sat up again and wiped the tracks from his cheeks with the back of his hand. He took a few restorative breaths before he collected all the pictures and put them back in the box. He slid it under the bed, pushing it far back, so Brittany wouldn't see it. He stood and raked his hand through his hair before he picked up his jacket and left the room. He walked downstairs quietly so his wife wouldn't hear him. He could still hear her talking on the phone. He tossed his jacket carelessly on the back of the couch as he crossed the room, going into the small study that he used as an office. He sat down in his chair and began sorting through the papers on his desk about his business. He heard the sound of Brittany coming into the office and felt her arms slip around him. 

"I didn't hear you come in," Brittany said as she pressed a kiss on his cheek. 

"You were on the phone, I didn't want to disturb you," he said as he absently kissed the back of her hand, "and I had paperwork to look at since I'm running this business single handedly."

"Well don't you have Howard to help?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the desk, her slender legs showing from under her black wool skirt. 

"Yeah, but I'm the sole owner. He just runs the shop up on L2. He's not really a partner. I offered but he declined. I have a shop here too and I do get help from Heero from time to time. All of them help out at the shop when they can. But all the paperwork falls to me," Duo said, as he glanced at the computer monitor as he started entering numbers in the log. 

Brittany watched as he turned his attention to the computer. She sighed. "Dinner will be ready soon. I call you," she said as she hopped off the edge of the desk and left the room. She went back into the kitchen. She frowned as she stirred the pasta. She knew that there was something up with him, but she couldn't put a finger on it. _"He's been acting funny ever since I showed him that article about Hilde being married. He seems to spend more time in the office and at the Preventers HQ instead of with me. And he's always been an attentive lover, but he doesn't seem to be there. His body is there, but his mind certainly isn't. What is up with him?" _

He rested his forehead on the desk. He was so tired. He was emotionally and mentally drained. He could smell the spaghetti sauce. He sat up and cracked his knuckles and forced a smile to cross his face as he got up and left the room. He went into the kitchen and watched as Brittany reached for the plates. He went over to her and put his arms around her waist. "Dinner smells good," he commented. 

She smiled and looked over her shoulder at him. "Well wait until you taste it," she said as she turned in his arms and kissed him. She felt him return the kiss, but it didn't feel like he was into it. She pulled away a little and smiled at him. "Come on eat your dinner," she said as she slipped away from his arms and set the plates down on the table. 

Duo saw the flicker of disappointment in her eyes. He sat down at the table. Dinner was silent. He was lost in thought. _"Does she know that there's something wrong? I wanted so much not to hurt her, but I have a feeling I am. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt her like I hurt Hilde." _ "Brittany, do you think that there's something wrong between us?" he asked bluntly. 

Brittany's head popped up at his question. "Duo what makes you think that?" she asked as she dabbed her mouth with her napkin. 

"I don't know, I guess you looked a little disappointed because I haven't been paying that much attention to you lately," he replied honestly. 

She waved her hand in dismissal. "I am a little, but I don't think there's anything wrong between us," she said as she stood and started clearing the table. She put all the dishes in the dishwasher and turned to face him. "And I'll show you that there's nothing wrong," she said as she went over to him and leaned down, giving him a passionate kiss. 

Duo closed his eyes as she kissed him. He participated, but it was only a natural reaction. He put his arms around her. He wanted to believe that he wasn't hurting her. But deep down he knew he was. He pulled away. "Brittany I can't," he said abruptly as he got up from the table and left the kitchen. He grabbed his jacket and went outside. The cold air stung his cheeks as the snow began to fall once again. He shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking. He kept his head down as he walked. He walked through the park and stopped to stare at the ice covered lake. His braid swung gently in the slight wind. He swept a bench clear of the snow and sat down. He rested his elbows on his knees. "Hilde forgive me," he whispered as tears began to fall once again. 

Brittany hadn't moved for a moment. She was still shocked that he had pulled away. Now she knew something was wrong. She turned off the light and went up the stairs. She glanced at the bedroom that had once belonged to Hilde. She paused and went in. She noticed that the sheets were wrinkled. Her brows furrowed in puzzlement and then she bit her lip in anger. "That bitch still has a hold on him. Why can't he let her go? He has me! He doesn't need her anymore," she yelled, her face turning red. She turned on her heel and slammed the door, making the windows rattle. 

******************************************************************************

Duo tilted his head back. The tears were gone, but the evidence of them was still there. He closed his eyes and let the soft flakes fall on his face. He knew what he had to do. He couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't worth the pain he was inflicting on her. And the pain in his heart was becoming too much to bear. He needed Hilde, but he knew he would never have her and it was breaking his heart. He felt more tears well up in his eyes and he let himself for one last time cry for her. "HILDE!" he yelled out into the swirling snow. 

__

Author's Note: I know, I'm being really depressing, but sometimes-unrequited love is. But don't worry, it will get lighter. So please stay tuned for more!


	5. Here I Go Again

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

****

Song by Whitesnake 

_ ****_

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 5

The silence was almost deafening in the small room. Duo's gaze flickered across the table towards Brittany, but he felt nothing. He had felt nothing since he married her. "I'm sorry," he said faintly. 

"A little late for that Duo," Brittany snapped. Her eyes blazed furiously at him. "Let's just get this over with." She crossed her arms and turned to her lawyer. "Do your job."

Duo's eyes went to his. On the other side of his lawyer sat Quatre, who had gotten him. His eyes went to the three men leaning against the wall, all wearing impassive expressions. "Yes, let's just get this over with," he sighed, raking his hand through his bangs. "What do you want from me?" he asked her. 

"Your wife wants half of what you made last year Mister Maxwell," her lawyer said as he cleared his throat a little. He looked down at the paper in his hand. "She sites the reason for divorce is another woman. Is this true Mister Maxwell?"

Duo raised his eyes to the lawyer and then to Brittany's. "Yes," he replied calmly. "I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't in love with another woman. Although I will say that this woman has no knowledge of the feelings I have for her."

"And I tell you who this woman is," Brittany hissed. "It was his best friend, his business partner, Hilde Schiebecker."

The lawyer looked back at the young man in front of him. He was hiding nothing in his eyes as he looked across the table at them. He cleared his throat again. "Well Mister Maxwell, do you agree to pay your wife the money that she asked for?"

"My client has already agreed to pay his wife what she owes," Duo's lawyer said. "He wants this done with."

"What's the point of getting through this quickly Duo? You can't go to her now. She's married," Brittany said smugly. "And if you looked at the paper, you would know that she's also a mother too."

Duo's head popped up and his cobalt eyes widened. _"Hilde's a mom?"_

Quatre choked on his water and looked over at Brittany with anger in his eyes. _"The bitch! She just threw that in to hurt him even more. The divorce proceedings are hard enough on him, he didn't need to hear that too."_

Duo felt like he had been punched in the gut. He looked back up at his soon to be ex-wife incredulously. He shook his head and his eyes narrowed as his temper began to ignite. "Where the hell did you read that?" he growled. 

"I read it in the New York Times that was online. It said that she had a little boy born December 23. That was at least three weeks ago. I can't believe that you didn't know," Brittany said innocently, but her voice was also laced with jealousy for the other woman that held her soon to be ex-husband's heart. "You would think that those four friends would tell you that she was."

Duo turned around and looked at Heero, Trowa, and Wufei, still leaning against the wall. They shook their heads negatively. He looked over at Quatre who nodded. 

"I knew," Quatre said softly. "I didn't think it was wise to tell you at the time. And she told me not to tell you."

Duo's eyes widened yet again. He turned his eyes to a smirking Brittany. "You may get half of my money and you might have shared my name, but my heart never belonged to you! You were only good for one thing!"

Color flared in her cheeks. "How dare you!"

"I dare! Don't mess with the God of Death baby because it won't be pretty," he said in a low voice, his eyes gone hard and cold. He took the paper from her lawyer's hand and signed it. "There, I'm done. The divorce is final." With that he pushed back his chair and stalked out of the room. 

"We'll go after him so he doesn't do anything destructive," Heero said as he, Trowa, and Wufei went after their friend. 

Quatre turned and nodded his head. He looked back at Brittany. "I can finally say what I've always wanted to say to you. You're a whore and a bitch; you didn't deserve Duo at all. Take your money and then never come back here, you got that!" he hissed. 

Brittany nodded her head when she saw the murderous look in Quatre's eyes. 

Quatre then turned to his lawyer. "I'll take care of the bill for my friend."

"As you wish Mister Winner," the lawyer said, nodding his head. 

Quatre then stood and strode out of the room. He had to find Duo and talk to him. But he knew as well as the others did, that once Duo was in a foul mood he could be very, very hard to deal with. It was almost like the rage that he knew still existed inside of the braided pilot came hurtling to the surface. It was almost uncontrollable. He spotted Heero and the others. "Where is he?" he asked. 

"We missed him. He drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell on that motorcycle of his," Heero said quietly. He looked over his shoulder at Quatre. "So you knew that she had a baby?"

"She sent me a letter and told me she had a baby. When he caught me reading it one day, I didn't lie on whom it was from. His face lost all color. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the woman that he loved had a baby," Quatre said softly. 

"Well now we have a pissed off God of Death running around. He's going to be looking for a fight," Trowa pointed out. 

"And knowing Maxwell, he'll pick a fight with anyone just to vent," Wufei said as he smoothed his hand over his hair. 

"I say we spilt up and look for him before he does something stupid like have his ass thrown into jail," said Heero as he walked towards his motorcycle. "Search all the bars, even the dives. Just find him and bring to his house. We can't have him loose in a mood like he's in."

"Right," said Quatre as he ran towards his Mercedes convertible. 

Trowa went to his truck and Wufei also ran to his motorcycle. 

And in minutes the four of them we combing the city of Brussels for one angry God of Death. 

******************************************************************************

Duo drove fast around the turns. The wind tugged ruthlessly at his hair as he sped through the night. He was furious. He was more then furious, he was livid. And he couldn't pinpoint why he was so upset. He screeched to a halt outside of a bar. He went in and ordered the strongest stuff they had. _"Hilde's a mother. Hilde had a baby. She's a mother. A mother." _He tossed back the shot of tequila. He made a slight face. He motioned to the bartender. "Better give me the whole bottle," he said. It was handed to him and he laid the cost of it on the bar. "Here, keep the change." He sat at a corner stool, his shoulders hunched and defensive, warning people to stay away. "This is all my fault. I drove her away and into the arms of another man. If I hadn't been so blind so scared to tell her that I remembered that night. Dammit! Why do all the people that I care about leave me!" He rapidly tossed back another shot. He felt someone tap his shoulder. "Go away," he growled. 

"Oh so you're a guy. Couldn't tell with this hair of yours," a muscular built man smirked. His buddies snickered. 

"I suggest you leave me alone before I have to kick your ass," Duo snarled, not turning around. 

"A skinny thing like you? Ha! Don't make me laugh kid, you couldn't hurt a fly," he said before he burst out into laughter. He tugged on the braid. That was a mistake. 

Duo whirled around and clocked the man right in the face. "I said leave me alone. Do I make myself clear," he hissed at the man. 

"You'll pay for that kid," the man hissed back as he wiped the blood from the corner of his lip. 

"Come and get it then. I'm in the perfect mood to kick someone's ass," Duo said as he clenched his fists and got into a fighting stance. 

The man howled angrily and charged him. 

The man might have more muscles, but Duo was leaner, faster, and a highly trained soldier. His fist crunched into the man's nose, making it bleed. "Come on asshole, is that all you got," he taunted as the other man staggered back. 

******************************************************************************

Heero pulled to a stop and noticed the black and red motorcycle that he knew to be Duo's. He whipped out his cell phone and called Quatre. "Found him. He's at a dive down at the water front," he said. He heard glass shatter. He winced a little. "And call the others. We're going to need back up this time." He hung up and jumped off his bike. He ran inside and saw Duo fighting a man that probably weighed a good seventy-five pounds more. "Shit!" he muttered under his breath. He pushed his way through the crowd. He noticed another man was nursing a bloody nose and a shiner that you wouldn't believe. He was out cold. "Dammit Duo," he said to himself. "DUO! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" he shouted at the braided pilot as he went over to him and pushed him back against the bar. 

"IT'S CALLED VENTING! THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH WAS ASKING FOR IT!" Duo shouted back. 

"Duo you can't do this. Get a hold of yourself," Heero said angrily. 

"Make me," Duo snapped, his eyes narrowing. 

Heero glared back coldly. Duo was at least two to three inches taller and outweighed him by at least twenty-five to thirty pounds. "Believe me Maxwell I can very well make you."

"Is that a fact?" Duo gritted out between clenched teeth. 

Heero sighed with frustration. "Don't make me knock the hell out of you because you know I can."

Duo said nothing, but regarded Heero with blazing cobalt eyes. "Screw you," he then hissed. 

"Guess we're kind of late," Trowa stated as he, Quatre, and Wufei arrived. He looked around at the four men who had probably run into Duo's fist. He could see the anger still flaring in his friend's eyes. 

"Who the hell invited you guys?" Duo spat as he turned around again and with one gulp drained the rest of the tequila straight from the bottle. He made a brief face. Warmth soon began flooding though his system. 

The four of them looked at each other before Heero and Trowa hooked their arms around Duo's and dragged him out. Quatre and Wufei followed until they reached the ally beside the bar. 

"Can't you leave a guy to drown in sorrows in peace," Duo said irately as he was slung against the wall. 

"No, because you'll get your skinny ass thrown into jail," Wufei pointed out. 

Heero shot Wufei a quelling look. "We just don't want you running around loose and pissed. You're destructive in that capacity."

"I got every right to be pissed. I was married to the wrong woman and I just got divorced. I would say that I have every right to be pissed," Duo snapped. 

"Not in public you don't," Heero shot back. 

"You're a disgrace Maxwell, what would Hilde say if she saw you like this," Wufei said, knowing that he was treading on dangerous ground. 

"Shut up Wufei," Duo growled, his eyes narrowing. 

"She would be ashamed that you would be reduced to trying to drink yourself into oblivion and get yourself thrown in jail. If you love her at all, you'll take this like a man," Wufei said, noticing that his friend's jaw was clenched and that his eyes were turning black. "So I hit a nerve did I?"

"Wufei," Quatre said, feeling the furious anger pouring off of Duo, "I don't think…"

Duo swung his fist at Wufei, but he missed as he moved out of the way. 

Heero took the opportunity to punch Duo in the jaw, hard, knocking him out cold. Trowa caught him before he hit the ground. "Now let's get the baka home and sobered up some," Heero said as he lifted Duo's feet as he and Trowa carried his limp form to Quatre's Mercedes. 

"I'll get his bike and put it in my truck," said Trowa, once Duo was ensconced inside the plush interior. 

"Take him back to his house and make strong coffee," Heero ordered. He turned his eyes to Wufei. "What the hell did you think you were doing? You only served to make him even angrier."

"He has to let it out somewhere," Wufei said as he shrugged his shoulders. "That onna of his is still his reason for existence and he knows how she would react to this. I pushed the right buttons and he knows it."

Heero sighed. "Well not much to do about it now. Let's just get him sobered up first."

The others nodded their heads and headed towards their respective vehicles. 

******************************************************************************

Duo woke up and felt softness under him. _"Where the hell am I?" _ He blinked his eyes a little until they focused on the ceiling. He sat up and his head thudded dully. "Man, where the hell am I?" 

"You're in your home where you can't get into trouble," Quatre said as he sat down in the easy chair across from him. He pushed a cup of steaming coffee towards him. "Drink it and sober up a little."

Duo pulled the mug forwards and blew the curling steam away before taking a sip. He closed his eyes briefly. He looked towards Heero leaning against the wall. "You punched me again."

"Had to before you kicked Wufei's ass," Heero stated calmly. 

Duo turned his eyes towards Wufei, who was leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door. "Still might. Any reason for those comments of yours?"

"You know what she would think Maxwell," said Wufei quietly. "Do you think she would want to see you out of control like that?"

"No," Duo said as he hung his head. His eyes went to Quatre. "Why didn't you tell me that Hilde had a baby?"

"Because I didn't have the heart to tell you. The mere mention of her name made your face pale. And she asked me not to," Quatre replied as he raked his hand through his hair. 

Duo smiled ruefully. "Sounds like her. She would want me to be happy and not worry about her. And I know Hilde wouldn't want me to do that to myself, but it's just…you know." He said as he shrugged his shoulders. He took another sip of the coffee. 

"We understand Duo," Quatre said with a slight smile. 

"I knew that Brittany and Hilde hated each other. I really never meant to hurt Brittany that way. It was just when I first heard that Hilde married Robert it hit me really hard. I was surprised that she would do it. I mean Robert was a nice guy and he treated her good, but I didn't think that he was the one for her," Duo said as he stood up and walked over to the window. 

"Then if you knew that, why didn't you tell her that you loved her," Trowa said as he leaned forward in his chair. 

"Because I knew that she didn't love me," Duo said as he opened the blinds and looked outside into the snowy night. 

"Still no reason for you not to tell her," Heero said, looking over at Duo. 

"Look who's talking. It took nearly four years for you to admit that you loved Relena. You were lucky that she loved you in return. I wasn't so lucky," Duo pointed out. "Besides she's happy now. She's married to someone that I know will take good care of her and love her like she deserves. She's a mother now too. I want her to be happy that's all. She has a family now. And even though I do love her, I won't disrupt her life." He closed his eyes briefly. "Its getting late and I do appreciate you guys being there for me, but I would like some time alone."

"No problem," Trowa said as he rose from his chair. "Your bike's in the garage."

"Thanks," Duo said flashing him a brief grin. Soon they were all gone and he was left alone in the house. He shut off the lights and slowly made his way up the stairs, but he didn't go into his bedroom. He went to Hilde's old room. He stripped off his jacket and kicked off his shoes and lay down on the bed. He looked out the window into the night. He smoothed his hand over the crisp sheets, wishing desperately that she were there. He sighed. _"I can never have her. Never tell her that I love her. But I know that there will be no one else but her. I won't go through another loveless marriage. I'll be alone, but that's ok." _He reached over to the bedside table and turned on the radio. He listened silently to the words as a song that he knew fit him. 

__

I don't know where I'm goin

But I sure know where I've been 

Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday

An I made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time

But here I go again. 

He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. Listening carefully to the words. 

__

Tho' I keep searching for an answer

I never seem to find what I'm looking for.

Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on

Cos I know what it means to walk alone the lonely street of dreams

He stood up and walked over to the window and began to sing the words of the song quietly. 

__

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known.

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

An I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time. 

Just another heart in need of rescue

Waiting on love's sweet charity

An I'm going to hold on for the rest of my days

Cos' I know what it means to walk the lonely street of dreams. 

He thought of Hilde in each word that he sang and of himself. He had found love for only one woman, but she was another's and so far away from him. And in the back of his mind, he wanted to believe that he would always be alone. 

__

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known 

Like a hobo I was born to walk alone

An I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time 

But here I go again, here I go again 

Here I go, here I go

An I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time. 

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known.

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Cos' I know what it means to walk the lonely street of dreams.

She had been a dream that he had dared to have. But a dream that he had been too scared to reach for. She was everything to him. She would always be the one dream that he dared to have. Nothing had been out of his reach except for her. 

__

Here I go again on my own

Goin' down the only road I've ever known

Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

An I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time.

But here I go again, here I go again 

Here I go, here I go

Here I go again.

"I'm sorry I never told you Hilde. I should have though and maybe you would be the one married to me and maybe that child of yours would have been mine. You will always be my dream Hilde, but for my sake and for yours, I have to let you go. Forgive me baby for never telling you just how I felt. But I hope in some way you can here this. I love you Hilde. Always and forever," Duo whispered as he touched the cold glass and continued to watch the snow fall silently outside the window. 

__

Author's Note: Well what did you think? Did I depress you even more? Sorry if I did. Next chapter, will Robert finally find out his wife's "little" secret? Stay tuned for more J 


	6. The Truth Finally Comes Out

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

****

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 6

Two Years After Brendan's Birth

Robert looked over at his son playing with his toys on the hardwood floor of the living room. From where he was sitting he could see his son's brilliant blue eyes shimmering with mirth as he took down the house he had made of wooden blocks once again. He walked over and knelt down by him. "Hey Brendan having fun there?" he asked, smiling.

Brendan's eyes looked up at him. He grinned and toppled more of the blocks again before laughing. "Fall down."

Robert chuckled and ruffled the soft thick midnight hair on top of his head. "Yeah, they fell down."

"Robert," Hilde called as she came out of the bedroom. Her low-heeled shoes clicked on the floor. "Robert, we have an appointment with the doctor," she said as she slid in the pearl studs in her ears. She knelt down next to her son. "Hey there sweetheart. Ready to go and be with Auntie Cheryl for the morning?"

"Yay Ryl!" Brendan exclaimed happily as he reached up to her. 

She picked him up effortlessly. She smiled at him and hugged him close. "Yes, Ryl," she replied, mimicking her son's use of Cheryl's name. She pressed a light kiss on his hair. She picked up her purse with her free hand as Robert went to get some of the toys that Brendan preferred to play with, including the wood blocks. "You have everything?" she asked as they walked out the door into the early summer sunshine of the elegant townhouse they lived in. 

"Yes dear," Robert replied as he opened the back door of his silvery gray Mercedes and took his son from her arms and put him in the car seat in the back. He helped her in the front. He glanced over at his wife as she turned and looked back at Brendan. To him, she always seemed to glow when she looked at him. He smiled as he drove over to Cheryl's house and carried him inside. 

"I'll take good care of him," Cheryl said as she watched the little boy she delivered, start setting up his blocks on the rug in the family room. 

"We'll pick him up around three, our appointment is at one," Hilde said as she pressed a kiss on her son's forehead. "Bye darling. Mommy will be back soon."

"Bye, bye mommy," Brendan said as he waved his slender hands at her. 

"Bye son," Robert said as he ruffled his son's hair once again. He followed his wife back out to the car and helped her in. He sighed as he pulled back into the lane of traffic. This appointment was very important. They couldn't be late.

******************************************************************************

"But that's impossible! I've been healthy for years!" Robert exclaimed incredulously as he looked across the desk at his doctor. He was clutching Hilde's hand in his. 

Hilde looked out the window. She felt a little guilty. Even though she knew Robert had tried to get her pregnant, she never did. She didn't want to tell him that the son that he thought of as his wasn't his at all. She had dreaded it for the past two years, afraid that Brendan would have his real father's chestnut hair, giving away his true parentage, but he had gotten her hair color instead. But it was becoming apparent that he would have Duo's facial features. 

"I'm sorry Robert, but there is nothing we can do for this. Your count is almost virtually non-existent. I'm truly sorry," the doctor said. 

Robert felt the blood drain from his head. "I can't believe this. I never thought that this could happen. I'm only twenty-seven years old. How did this happen?"

"There are many contributing factors to this Robert. You're a neurologist. You've spent time around machines that give off radiation. That is the most likely cause," George said gravely. 

Robert sighed sadly. "And I was hoping so much to have another child." He stood and shook his hand. "Thanks for being honest with me George."

"I'm sorry to be the bearer of sad news that's all," George said as he walked the couple to the door of his office. "It's a wonder you even have Brendan because your results show that you couldn't have. Must have been a miracle," he said as he shrugged. 

Hilde paled a little. _"This is bad. This might make Robert question Brendan's true parentage." _

Robert gave him a puzzled look, but said nothing as he and his wife walked out of the hospital. He noticed that she was quiet as she slid into the leather interior of the car. "Hilde," he said softly.

"Yes?" she asked as she looked up at him. She felt horribly guilty. It was making her insides twist in knots. 

He looked at her for a moment. "Nothing," he said as he started the car. He drove back to Cheryl's house, pondering his doctor friend's last statement. _"What did he mean by that? Why would he say that it couldn't have been possible for Hilde to get pregnant with Brendan in the first place? Why?" _ He pulled to a stop back outside of Cheryl's townhouse and followed Hilde inside. He watched her as she knelt down by their son's side, helping him with the blocks. His son's eyes flickered mischievously at him. A memory surfaced in his mind. 

__

"Hilde is a good woman," he said as he watched her. 

"That she is, but there is something you should really know first," Duo said grinning. 

"And what's that?" he asked curiously. 

"Never ever try to steal food while she's cooking, she'll smack you with whatever she's got handy. Like this," Duo said with his cobalt eyes flickering mischievously as he proceeded to steal the apple for the pie she was making, only to get his hand smacked with the rolling pin. 

Those eyes. Duo Maxwell had deep intense blue eyes, the color of cobalt. The same eyes his son had. "No, it couldn't be possible," he said to himself as he watched his son lean into Hilde and giggle. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed probable. _"He has Duo's eyes, but they were only best friends, they were never lovers. She told me she was a virgin our first time. But those eyes. I know for sure they didn't come from me and according to Hilde, her parents didn't either. It just can't be possible." _

******************************************************************************

Later that evening, once they had gone home, Robert looked out of the picture window in the front of the house as rain began to pelt against it. He watched as the water made liquid trails down the smooth glass. He looked up and stared at the ceiling, where upstairs Hilde was putting Brendan to bed. He knew he would have to confront her about this. He had to know the truth. He slowly made his way towards the stairs to ask his wife. 

Hilde sat on the edge of Brendan's bed as she watched him sleep. His tiny form was curled up in a ball. He held on tightly to his teddy bear as he rolled over a little. She reached out and brushed some of his raven locks away from his sleeping face. Her heart ached a little because every day that passed, his features put her in the mind of Duo. The way that he smiled and the way that his eyes would flicker with delight at the sight of food. Or the way that he slept. Curled up in a ball just like she knew Duo did. "Oh Duo, I wish you knew how like you our son is," she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and thought of her husband, who couldn't have any children. She felt so guilty knowing that the only child he had wasn't even his. She smiled ruefully as she pressed a gentle kiss on her son's forehead before standing. She stood there and watched him as his chest rose and fell with his breathing. 

Robert leaned against the doorframe and watched her. He knew how much she loved Brendan, but he had never been sure on how much she loved him. He knew that she did, but it had always felt that he had never had her whole heart. His heart ached as he watched her press a kiss on Brendan's forehead. He swallowed. He knew he had to do it. "Is he my son Hilde?" he asked point blank in a soft tone so he wouldn't wake the sleeping boy. 

Her head whirled around at the sound of his voice and his question. She felt blood drain from her face as she looked into his serious one. She lowered her eyes to the carpeted floor under her feet. "I don't want to wake him. We'll talk about this downstairs," she said as she walked past him and went down the stairs to the living room. She could feel her whole body shaking. The moment that she had dreaded for so long was here and she wasn't going to lie. She turned and faced him. "You want the truth?" she asked. 

He looked at her as the dim light highlighted the one side of her flawless face. He nodded his head. "Yes, Hilde I want to know the truth. Is he my son?"

Hilde took a deep breath, her heart pounding against her ribs. "No, he's not your son," she replied quietly as she tilted her head up a little. 

Robert felt like he had been punched in the gut. He squeezed his eyes shut as he looked away from her. "Who is the father Hilde?" he asked. 

She looked away at the rain hitting the window. "The father of Brendan is…Duo," she said softly as she went over to the window and touched the cool glass. 

He slumped into a chair and held his head in his hands. "I thought so. Brendan's eyes are the same eyes that Duo has. But why Hilde? And how?" he asked as he looked up at her. 

His look of utter despair made Hilde ache with remorse. "You ask why Robert? I didn't want to tell you the truth. I was scared and Duo was married to Brittany. I wasn't going to go and tell him that I just had his son. And I didn't want to hurt you," she said as she took a deep breath before continuing, "And how? One night about two weeks before Duo got married and I asked you to make love to me, he and I got into a drinking contest. We were tossing back shots of tequila and I lost. I couldn't drink him under the table like I bragged that I could. We helped each other up the stairs and we leaned against his door and when the door opened, we lost our balance and he fell on top of me. And before I knew what was really happening we were kissing and then…and then we were in his bed with nothing on. It happened so fast. And the next morning I fled to my room with a hellacious hangover. He didn't know what happened nor did he remember when he came into my room later on," she said sadly as she felt her heart twist. "But I didn't remind him of that night either. I let it go," she finished softly as she sank down in the window seat. She stared out into the curtain of rain. "I didn't know I was pregnant until several weeks later. I thought it was stress and it turned out that I was really pregnant. I asked Cheryl not to tell you I was further along then what I was telling you."

"So Brendan was born on time. He wasn't early," Robert said in a defeated tone. He looked up at her. "How could Duo not remember that night? Why did you let him?" 

"Duo was drunk and he usually doesn't remember too much when he is. And I let him because he was going to marry another woman. I wasn't going to interfere and remind him that he had sex with his best friend. I let him marry Brittany," she whispered faintly. 

He heard the obvious pain in her voice. He tilted his head to one side and regarded her carefully. "Were you in love with Duo Maxwell?"

Hilde's head popped up at his question. She looked away. "Yes, I was in love with him," she answered as she rubbed her wedding band with her index finger. 

"And yet you still married me. You loved him and you let him marry another woman. Why did you do that Hilde? If you loved him so much, why did you let him go?" Robert asked, hurt, but still curios. 

"I let him go because he didn't love me. I was far from the woman of his dreams. He needs a beauty like Brittany, even though she was a whore. I wanted him to be happy," she said as a tear began to roll down her cheek. 

He saw it and he could hear the pain lacing her voice. Then he knew why he had never really had her heart. "You still love him," he said flatly. 

Hilde smiled ruefully. "Yes, I still do even though I tried to push him out of my heart so I could give it to you, but he wouldn't leave. Especially when I'm the mother of his son."

Robert sighed and raked his hands through his hair. He looked over at his wife. He closed his eyes briefly before he opened them again. He knew what he had to do. "Then I'll set you free."

"What?" she asked softly, looking at him with puzzlement. 

"I'm going to set you free Hilde. Your heart is always going to belong to him, no matter how much you try not to. And I know I can never take his place. But it's also because I love you that I'm willing to let you go. I want you to be truly happy," he replied as he stood and knelt down in front of her. "And I know the only way you'll be truly happy is without me."

Hilde shook her head. "Robert you don't have to do this."

"I do. Don't think I haven't noticed the sadness in your eyes over the past few years. I just made myself not see it. When your heart belongs to someone else, it's not fair to make believe it doesn't by claiming you love someone else. It only hurts you and that person. I only want you to be happy Hilde and I accept the fact that it isn't me," he said as he took her hands in his. He rubbed his finger over her wedding band and engagement ring. He pressed her hand to his lips briefly. "I'll give you anything you want."

"No, don't do this," she said in a broken voice as she looked down at his bowed head. "You don't have to give me anything."

Robert looked up at her with tears filling his gray eyes. "I insist. You and Brendan won't go without a thing. You can keep the house, the car, and half of my trust fund."

"Robert I can't take those things," Hilde said shaking her head. 

"You will because I insist," Robert said firmly even though his voice was choked with pain. "You can spend all your time with Brendan. He'll need you around. You're a good mother Hilde and you were a good wife." He stood again and touched her silky hair. It slid through his fingers like water just like she had. "I'll go back to Boston and live. Don't worry about me Hilde, I'll be fine."

"Robert," she whispered as she clutched at his hand as she looked up at him. 

He looked down at her watery eyes and a frown curving her red lips. He leaned down and pressed a light sad kiss on her lips. "I'll visit Brendan when I can," he said faintly before he turned and left the room. 

Hilde stared after him and broke into tears. They came from the depths of her soul, ones she had repressed for so long. She cried for Robert, for herself, for Brendan, and finally for Duo. 

__

Author's Note: This was very sad, wasn't it? I know it hasn't been too light, but it'll get there soon. So please stay tuned for more! XOXO!!

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	7. The Reunion, Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own them

_Disclaimer: I don't own them!_

_ _

**Songs by Heart and the Divinyls**

_ _

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 7 

**_ _**

Three Years After Hilde's Divorce/Nearly Five Year's After Duo's Divorce 

** **

Duo breathed in the cool night air. This was the first time in years that he was giving himself an extended vacation. Since his divorce from Brittany, he had thrown himself into his work. He had always been mechanically gifted and with some money and help from Quatre, he had designed better and more efficient suits to work in space on the colony walls and on the resource satellites. He held the patent on it and it was making him a lot of money. His scrap yard on L2 was doing well under Howard's supervision and his two shops in Brussels were doing quite well. And top it off from his paycheck from the Preventers, he was making more then enough money. He sighed and tossed his braid back over his shoulder. He pulled up the collar of his black leather jacket as he walked across the airport parking lot and threw his bag into the backseat of his rental car. "What a place New York is," he mused as he drove through the brightly lit busy streets. "I am a little hungry so maybe I'll try some place before I go to my hotel," he said as he pulled into a lot and walked into a place called The Velvet Room. He looked around. "Yup, it's rich all right, not like I can't afford it," he said to himself as he was seated at a table. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde smoothed her hands over her long black satin dress and then adjusted her gloves. She applied more red lipstick and made sure her hair was just right. She had taken up singing again. Since Robert's money made it feasible for her not to work, she still decided to get a small job anyway. She sang three nights a week at the very fashionable restaurant The Velvet Room.They paid well and she could bring her son with her. She smiled as she through of Brendan. He was five years old now and he was starting to look more like Duo every day. That was a bittersweet reminder to her that she would never have the man that she truly loved. Right now she knew that he would be sitting out front with Cheryl at their usual table. She walked towards the stage purposefully. She lived for her son. He was the only thing in the world that was important to her. "Ready tonight boys," she said to the band.

"Ready Miss Hilde," the four men chorused as they nodded their heads respectively. 

"Let's get this show on the road then shall we," she said as she stepped up on a raised platform behind a sparkling sheer black curtain. 

******************************************************************************

Duo finished his meal and he leaned back in his chair, while perusing the dessert menu. He turned his eyes to the table next to him, where a little boy and a woman sat. He was surprised at how well behaved the kid was because to him, he didn't look more then five years old. He smiled when he heard the little boy speak again.

"Is mom going to be on yet?" Brendan asked as his finely arched raven brows drew together over deep cobalt eyes. 

"She will be in a minute," Cheryl replied. She smiled when she saw his lips turn up into a satisfied grin when he heard the music starting to play. 

"Finally," Brendan said as he leaned up a little in his chair so he could see his mother sing. 

Duo turned his eyes towards the stage. "Music too. I chose the right place to eat dinner," he said to himself as he watched the curtain slowly rise, giving him a glimpse of a petite, yet a softly curving figure of the woman the little boy referred to as his mother. He couldn't see her face for the lights were dimmed and then she began to sing. 

Hilde closed her eyes as the music started. She had chosen a sad love song for tonight. It was Heart's Alone.She took a deep breath and began to sing. 

I hear the ticking of the clock 

_I'm lying here the room's pitch dark_

_I wonder where you are tonight _

_No answer on the telephone _

_And the night goes by so very slow_

_Oh I hope that it won't end it though_

_Alone_

_ _

Duo's eyes popped open wide. That voice. He knew that voice. The one that had filled his dreams and his fantasies. 

The lights came up on Hilde as she began to belt it out the chorus. 

_Till now I always got by on my own_

_I never really cared until I met you_

_And now it chills me to the bone_

_How do I get you alone _

_How do I get you alone_

_ _

He felt his throat grow dry as he saw her. Her eyes sparkled in the light as she sang. She looked so beautiful. His Hilde and she was singing here. And that boy at the table next to him was her son. He watched her as she stepped down off of the raised platform and walk on the stage. She entranced him all over again. 

_You don't know how long I've wanted_

_To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh_

_You don't know how long I have waited_

_And I was going to tell you tonight_

_But the secret is still my own_

_And my love for you is still unknown_

_Alone_

_ _

She belted them out. She had felt these lyrics from the depths of her soul. She knew what it was like to feel like this. All her feelings were in this song. 

_Till now I always got by on my own_

_I never really cared until I met you_

_And now it chills me to the bone_

_How do I get you alone _

_How do I get you alone_

Duo closed his eyes and let her voice wash over him. He always loved hearing her sing. Most of the time, she had never known that he would stop and listen to her. He opened his eyes again and watched her walk around on the stage, the satin of her dress sliding sensuously over her gentle curves. 

Hilde walked in beat to the music. She walked back up to the platform and stepped back up once again. 

_How do I get you alone_

_How do I get you alone_

_ _

The only sound Duo could hear was the rapid pounding of his heart. 

She bowed her head as the lights began to dim once again and the piano played out the last few chords as she sang the last two words.

_Alone_

_Alone_

_ _

The lights went out completely as soon as the song ended. She could hear the applause. The lights went up once again as she took her bow and gestured to the band behind her. "Thank you all. I will be singing one more song in ten to close out your evening here at The Velvet Room." She stepped down off the platform and off the stage. She wanted to see her son. 

******************************************************************************

Brendan clapped hard for his mother. He smiled as she took her bow. "Can I go to her now?" he asked, giving Cheryl big puppy dog eyes.

"Yes, you can go over to her now," Cheryl sighed in response. She could never resist those puppy dog expressions of his. 

He hopped out of his chair and made his way over to his mother. "Mommy, you were great," he said as he looked up at her. 

"Thank you darling," Hilde said as she knelt down and gave him a strong hug. "Have you been behaving for your Aunt Cheryl?" she asked as she looked into his face.

"Yes mommy," Brendan replied, giving her an angelic smile. "I always behave."

She laughed a little. "You're just too much you little trouble maker. But I believe you. You're always good when I'm working. Other times you're just a little devil," she said as she took his hand and walked back to their table. 

******************************************************************************

Duo made the snap decision to say something to her. At the moment she walked past him he reached out and clasped her hand. "Hello Hilde."

Hilde stopped when she felt someone take her hand and she was ready to slap them silly until she heard his voice. She turned around and found herself staring into the mesmerizing cobalt blue eyes of Duo Maxwell. "Duo," she breathed. She felt her heart speed up and her blood beginning to rush hotly through her veins. 

"It's nice to see you once again Hilde," he said as he stood. "You still have a beautiful voice," he said as he raised her gloved hand and kissed the back of it. 

She was floored by the way he was acting. And he looked so incredibly handsome and sexy with the black leather jacket, the black button up shirt, and the black pants with the black boots. He was wearing that trademark grin of his as he kissed her hand. She could feel the heat of his lips though the satin of her black glove. "It's nice to see you again too Duo," she said once she regained her power of speech. She noticed that Brendan and Cheryl were both looking at her at him curiously. "Brendan, this is mommy's good friend Duo Maxwell. Duo this is my son Brendan," she said, her heart aching as father and son met for the first time. 

"Hello," Brendan said as he looked up at the man in front of him. He immediately noticed his mother's nervousness. 

"Hello," Duo said as he knelt down in front of the little boy. "Nice to meet you," he said as he shook the smaller hand. 

"Nice to meetyou too," Brendan replied as he studied the man in front of him. His eyes were very intense, but very friendly and warm. 

"And this is my friend Cheryl Matthews," Hilde said as she gestured to her friend. 

"Nice to meet you too Cheryl," Duo said as he shook her hand. 

"Likewise," Cheryl said. Her eyes went to Hilde, who looked away with a blush spreading across her cheeks. 

Duo looked down at Brendan. "So how old are you?"

"Five," Brendan replied. "How old are you?" he asked in return. 

"A lot older then you sport. I'm twenty five, the same age as your mother here," Duo chuckled as he stole a glance at Hilde. 

"I'm a little older of course," Hilde answered as she smiled brightly and she looked away. 

"You know, this meeting is missing something," Duo mused as he walked around Hilde. 

"And what's that?" she asked as she looked at him, struggling not to melt like ice at his feet. 

"A hug," he smirked as he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I've missed you babe," he said softly. 

Hilde went hot and cold all over when she felt his arms go around her. She closed her eyes and hugged him back. She could smell the familiar smell of his woodsy cologne. In his arms is where she still truly felt safe. She reluctantly removed herself from his embrace. "Well I still have one song to do and I need some water to drink," she said as she took the bottle of water that Cheryl had waiting for her on the table. 

"Drink away babe. I enjoyed your performance. You were always a wonderful singer," Duo said as he sat back down in his chair, but this time he was looking at her. 

She felt a trill of pleasure course through her at the use of "babe." It had been so long since he had called her that. She frowned suddenly. "Duo, where's Brittany?"

Duo sighed. "Brittany and I are divorced Hilde. We didn't even make it one year," he said wryly. "And where's Rob? Shouldn't he be here?"

"No. Robert and I were divorced three years ago," Hilde replied ruefully. "It was a mutual thing and we parted on good terms. I take it your divorce was nothing like that?"

"Our divorced was a somewhat nasty and I am glad that it's over now," he said as he sipped his drink. 'Can't believe that you and Robert got divorced though. He seemed like a nice guy."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It just wasn't meant to be." _"I was meant to be with you and only you."_

_ _

"Too bad for him," Duo said offhandedly under his breath.

Hilde looked up at him wide-eyed at his barely heard comment. He grinned at her roguishly and she found herself smiling back. 

Brendan observed his mother carefully. She was acting differently with Duo then she did with other guys that came up and talked to her. She always seemed to be in a hurry and get away. But with him, she was smiling and she seemed happy. "Mommy, don't you have to sing one more song?" he asked. 

Hilde looked over at her son, who was sitting in his chair. "Of course I do dear," she replied as she stood. She looked over at Duo. "You'll stay?"

"I'll stay," Duo said as he nodded his head. He saw her smile again and he felt his heart warm at the sight of it. He watched her walk away, most of her back bared by her dress. He couldn't help but smirk to himself. 

She stepped back up to the stage once again and went over to the band. "I want to make a quick change. Do you know this song?" she asked as she told them what she wanted them to play. They shook their heads affirmatively. "Good," she said as she grinned and took her place. The music started to play. 

_I love myself_

_I want you to love me _

_When I'm feeling down _

_I want you above me_

_I search myself _

_I want you to find me _

_I forget myself_

_I want you to remind me_

_ _

Cheryl covered Brendan's ears. 

Duo's smirk returned as he watched her sing. 

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_I don't want anybody else_

_Oh no, oh no, oh no_

She stepped off her platform and sashayed around the stage. She kept her eyes off of Duo, but she knew he was looking at her. It made her giddy and a little anxious at the same time. 

_You're the one that makes me happy honey_

_You're the sun that makes me shine_

_When you're around I'm always laughing_

_I want to make you mine_

_ _

Duo watched her. He felt like she was singing it for him. But she wasn't looking at him, but her words were reaching out and touching him. 

Cheryl looked over at Duo and saw how avidly he was watching Hilde. She still had her hands over Brendan's ears. She knew that Duo was his father, there was no mistaking the matching cobalt eyes and that smile. 

_I close my eyes_

_And I see you before me_

_Think I would die_

_If you were to ignore me_

_A fool could see_

_Just how much I adore you_

_I get down on my knees_

_I'd do anything for you_

_ _

Hilde ran her hand over her hip and turned her back and looked over her shoulder and teasingly raised her skirt to her knees before dropping it. 

_I don't want anybody else_

_When I think about you I touch myself_

_I don't want anybody else_

_Oh no, oh no, oh no_

_ _

She pulled the pins that held her hair until the silky jet black mass tumbled over her shoulders. And she finally looked over at Duo as she spoke the last few words of the song and she willed herself not to blush. 

_I want you _

_I don't want anybody else_

_And when I think about you I touch myself _

_Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaah_

_ _

Duo's brows arched up when she finally looked at him and spoke the last few words. He wasn't surprised that she got a standing ovation this time. She put on a hell of a show. _"And it looked like it was for you too."_

_ _

Hilde smiled as she took her bows and stepped off the stage. She felt Duo's eyes on her as she approached him, but she kept her eyes on her son. She knelt down in front of him. "How was mom this time?" she asked. 

Brendan scowled slightly. "Aunt Cheryl covered my ears," he pouted. "But I think you're always good." He covered up a telltale yawn with his hand. 

She smiled and gave him a hug. "No good hiding that yawn there mister, its well past your bedtime."

"I'm awake mommy, really," he said as he widened his eyes. "See, I'm…" a another yawn interrupted, "not sleepy."

Hilde laughed lightly. "I don't think so. Time for me to take you home and put you to bed."

Duo watched how she acted with her son. He could see that she loved Brendan more then anything else in the entire world. "Listen to your mom sport. She's even told me what to do," he said as he knelt down beside her. 

Brendan looked over at him. He nodded his head. "Ok," he said as he pouted a little again. 

Hilde looked over at Duo, who smiled back at her. 

"Well you did tell me what to do," Duo teased as he placed his hand on her shoulder. 

She sighed and nodded her head. "Only because it was for your own good."

"Do you need a ride home Hilde?" asked Cheryl as she pulled on her winter coat. 

"I'll take her home," Duo said before Hilde could reply. "Besides, I think Brendan is almost asleep standing up." He looked over at Hilde again as she put his jacket on. "Here I'll carry him," he said as he picked up the half asleep boy. "Hurry and get your coat babe, I'll wait right here for you."

Hilde nodded her head and looked over at Cheryl. "I guess that settles that," she said faintly. "I'll be ok and thank you for looking after Brendan."

"Whatever you say hon," Cheryl said as she gave Hilde a hug. She pressed a light kiss on Brendan's sleeping face and then she looked up at Duo. "Nice meeting you Duo. And please be careful with her," she said as she nodded in Hilde's direction as she walked off to get her coat. 

Duo was surprised for a moment as he looked into the older woman's eyes. "I will be," he said solemnly. He watched her leave. "I wonder what that meant," he mused to himself. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde slipped on her long black wool coat and her black suede gloves. She walked back to Duo, who was waiting patiently with a sleeping Brendan in his arms. "I'm ready Duo," she said softly as she put her hand on his arm. 

Duo grinned at her and walked out of the restaurant with her. He put Brendan in the back seat, careful not to wake him. He opened the door for her. "Ladies first," he said as he helped her in. 

"Thank you," she replied as she settled herself in his rental car. She rubbed her gloved hands together and took a quick glance over at him as he climbed in next to her. She returned her gaze to the outside. 

"Where do you live?" he asked as he looked over at her. He watched as her eyes returned to his once again. 

"Not too far," Hilde answered as she dropped her eyes away from his and returned them to the outside. "Just follow these directions," she said as she told him. 

"All right, doesn't seem too hard," Duo said as he started the car and started off down the street. He had noticed she avoided looking him in the eyes for very long. Her earlier boldness on stage had vanished. He knew that her singing gave her confidence. And he wondered as he traveled the dark streets if she felt something for him. 

******************************************************************************

Duo carried Brendan up to bed for her. He lay the boy gently down on the bed. He looked over at Hilde. 

"I'll take care of him. Wait for me downstairs in the living room," she said as she shrugged off her coat, handing it to him. 

"All right," he replied as he went back down the stairs. He looked around and the furnishings. Well made and expensive. "He sure took care of her and very well too," he said as he went into the living room and sat down on the edge of the celedon colored couch. 

Hilde hurriedly changed Brendan into his pajamas without waking him. She pulled the heavy coverlet over him and tucked him in. "Night darling," she whispered as she pressed a light kiss on his hair. She partially closed his door and went down the hall to hers. She stripped her dress off and stood clad in her panties, wondering what she could wear. She pulled out a navy blue silk nightgown and looked at it. She sighed and pulled it over her head, letting it slide down her body. She pulled on the matching robe that was lined with rich velvet. She walked down the stairs. _"What's he going to think when he sees you wearing this?** That you're eager to get laid. I am not! I'm not that lovesick little girl anymore. I'm a mother and a full-grown woman. ****But isn't he the man of your dreams? Admit you're trying to entice him just a little. No…Yes…Oh I don't know. I'm so confused." She ran her hand nervously over her hair as she stepped into the room. "Duo," she called out as she saw his back as he looked through the bookcases.**_

Duo turned around and he had to use all his will power to keep his mouth from dropping to the floor. She looked good enough to eat. He cleared his throat as he stopped his eyes from trailing over her smooth milky skin exposed by the deep v neckline. He looked up at her face. "I didn't hear you come down," he said as he went over to the couch and sat down again. 

She sat down on the window seat facing him. "Either I got better of being quiet or else your skills aren't as good as they used to be," she couldn't help but tease. 

"Hey babe, I could still walk around and you could never hear me. You could never sneak up on me before," he replied with a wry grin. 

"But I learned how to be quiet. I raised a child. I know how to keep quiet."

"I bet you do."

"So, you want anything to drink?" Hilde asked as she stood and clasped her hands in front of her. His nearness was getting to be a little hard for her to handle and not jump into his arms. 

"Coffee, decaff if you have it," Duo replied as he stood as well. He saw her eyes flicker away from him again. She was nervous around him. He didn't know why she would be. 

"Sure," she said as she left the room and went to the kitchen. She took a deep breath to calm her ragged nerves. He was making her feel all jittery inside. Her heart was pounding and she felt a little lightheaded. 

He followed her after she left the room. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her pert lips, but he restrained himself. She was putting out so many mixed signals he didn't know what to think. One minute she was the sad, beautiful, and confident woman that sang that first song. One minute she was shy with him, the next minute she was flirting with him. Then her second song she had been singing that song for him. Her body language had been saying that. She had been sexy and confident on the stage. And then she started wavering back and forth. And now, she was dressed in a way that she must have known would attract him and yet she was pulling away. He leaned against the counter as he watched her make the coffee. _"What makes women so complicated?"_

_ _

Hilde could feel his eyes on her as she stood at the counter, waiting for the coffeepot to fill. She tapped her nails on the counter, wishing the machine would hurry up. She almost let out a sigh of relief once the pot was filled enough for two cups. She hurriedly poured cream in hers and knowing that he liked his black, she handed it over to him. This time, she dared to meet his eyes. "There you go," she said softly as she took another step back. Her fingers made slight contact with his and she cut off a slight gasp that rose to her lips. Her fingers tingled and she moved away even more. "Let's go back to the living room," she said as she turned on her heel and left the kitchen. 

Duo followed her. He was truly puzzled. Her eyes had gazed into his briefly before falling away. It was almost like she wanted him to make a move, but at the same time she didn't. He was just a little frustrated. He sat down on the couch again and she sat down on the window seat. "You have a lovely home Hilde," he commented after a while. 

"Thank you. It is a beautiful home. Robert insisted that I take the house, the car, and he even insisted on giving me half his money from his trust fund. I tried to refuse, but he didn't hear of it. He said he wanted to leave me well taken care of as well as Brendan," she replied as she looked out of the window. 

"Does he come and visit him?" he asked quietly after he took a sip of his coffee. 

"Robert? Yes, he comes and visits Brendan one weekend a month. He lives in Boston now with his new wife Charlotte. She's a lovely woman with a daughter two years older then Brendan," Hilde said as she looked back at Duo. "What about Brittany?"

Duo sighed. "Well she got half of what I made that year that we were married. I haven't seen her since. Don't really want to." He tilted his head to one side. "She was the one that told me that you were married and that you had a kid."

She looked down at the coffee in her cup. "I didn't want to burden you. You had a wife and when I had Brendan, I didn't want to tell you because it wasn't that important for you to know."

He frowned and set his empty cup on the polished mahogany table. He went over to her and sat down on the seat next to her. "Babe, I was your closest friend. I would've wanted to know," he said as he set down her cup and took her hands in his. "You were important. I would have liked to see your son when he was born."

Hilde looked away once again and smiled ruefully. "I'm sorry Duo, but I was just…"

"Hey no need to explain. Some times there are things that we just got to do," he said shrugging his shoulders. He could see that she looked tired. "I better be getting to my hotel so I can let you go to bed. You need your sleep." He tipped her chin up with his finger. 

She looked into his eyes and she was startled by the words that came out of her mouth next. "Don't go. You can stay in the guest bedroom."

Duo was taken aback by what she had just said. He searched her face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Brendan likes you and I would like it if you stayed with me instead of paying for a hotel," Hilde said as she dropped her eyes away. 

"All right," he said as he stood. "Just let me get my stuff." He ran back outside and pulled out his bag. He brought it back in. He locked the door behind him just as she was coming out of the kitchen. She had turned out the lights in the living room, which left the small foyer shrouded in shadows. He followed her up the stairs, resolutely keeping his eyes off of her trim backside. 

"In here," she said as she opened the door to the guest bedroom. It was next to Brendan's and down the hall from hers. She watched as he set his bag down and looked around. 

"Nice," Duo commented as he turned to face her again. "Thanks Hilde babe, this means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," Hilde said as she smiled softly at him. She took a step back towards the door. "Guess I'll be going to bed now. Good night Duo," she said as she turned to walk out of the door, but she felt his hand wrap around her wrist. She looked up at him, her heart hammering in her chest. _"God is cruel to make that man look that good."_

_ _

"Good night Hilde," he said as he hugged her briefly. He pressed a light kiss on the top of her head. 

She closed her eyes. She liked the feel of his arms around her. She felt his lips touch her hair. She wanted to melt against him, but she didn't. "Night," she said as he finally released her. She gave him another smile before she left the room. She closed the door behind her and practically ran down the hall to her room. She shut her door behind her and took in deep gasping breaths. "Oh Duo. I love you so much, but why can't I tell you," she said as she finally crawled into bed and let her confusion run out in the form of tears on her pillow. 

Duo was genuinely confused now. The woman that he had always wanted was only doors away from him, sleeping in something that part of him was aching to take off of her slowly so that every inch of her skin was bared to him. He wanted to kiss her all over like he did that night so long ago. But she was pulling away. She was just as confused as he was. But not with him, but it seemed like herself. Cheryl's warning echoed in his ears, _"Be careful with her." He sighed as he stripped off his clothes and pulled on the pajama bottoms that he slept in. He stacked his hands under his head as he stared up at the ceiling. "Babe, what are you so afraid of? Why are you hiding from me?" he whispered to himself in the darkness that enveloped his room. _

******************************************************************************

Brendan woke up in the middle of the night. He left his room and went to the bathroom. As he left he could hear his mother crying in her sleep. He frowned. He hated it when his mother cried. And she cried often, mostly at night because she didn't want him to see. She also rarely slept too. He glanced towards the closed guestroom door. He had been awake last night when he had heard Duo's voice in their with his mother's. He stood outside the door and reached for the knob. He opened the door slowly and walked on silent feet over to the bed. He observed Duo for a moment before walking to the side of the bed. He reached out and shook the older man's arm. "Duo," he whispered loudly. 

Duo felt something shaking his arm. He slowly opened one eye and glanced over to see Brendan standing there. Both his eyes opened and he sat up a little. "What is it sport?"

"Mommy's crying again, could you try to make her stop?" Brendan asked solemnly. 

"She cries?" Duo asked puzzled. "Does she always?"

"She cries at night so I won't hear or see her. And she doesn't always sleep at night," Brendan replied ruefully. 

"Is that so?" Duo asked again, truly puzzled. This wasn't the Hilde that he remembered. He swung his legs over the side and followed Brendan out of the room. He looked down at the boy. "Go on back to bed. I'll take care of your mom, all right?"

"Ok," Brendan said as a smile lit his face. He opened his door and scampered back to his bed and climbed in. He pulled the covers up and looked at the ceiling, a smirk crossed his face. "Maybe he can make her happy."

Duo walked down the hall after closing Brendan's door. He slowly pushed open Hilde's. He looked at the center of the room, where she slept alone in a rather large bed. He could hear her whimpering as she tossed her head on the pillow. The sheets were tangled around her. He closed the door behind him and went over to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and lightly placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her from tossing anymore. "Hilde babe, can you hear me? Wake up," he called softly as he leaned down close to her ear.He saw her eyes flutter, but they remained closed. He reached up with one hand and brushed some of the tears from her cheeks. It was breaking his heart to see her like this. He pulled his legs up on the bed and hauled her up against him, gently so that her face was pressed against his chest. "Shh, Hilde, it's all right. I'm here," he said as he stroked her bared back with his fingers. He pressed a kiss on her forehead. Her whimpers began subsiding and within moments, she had stopped completely. He sighed and rested his head against the carved mahogany headboard. He continued to rub her back with his hand. Her skin felt so smooth and silky to the touch. This was heaven and hell. He looked down at her now peaceful face. He smiled faintly as he slowly slid down so his head rested on the pillow and pulled her on top of him, keeping her close to him so she wouldn't cry anymore. He closed his eyes as he held her. The woman that owned him, heart, body, and soul.

_ _

_ _

_Author's Note: The reunion has begun! What will Hilde's reaction be when she wakes up and finds him with her? Stay tuned to find out!!!_

_ _


	8. The Reunion, Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!!!

****

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 7b

Duo's eyes opened slowly. For a moment he didn't remember where he was until he felt a tickling sensation on his chest. He glanced down and saw Hilde, still lying on top of him, fast asleep. She looked so peaceful with her lashes lying like lush fans on her flawless cheeks. Her pink lips were slightly parted as she breathed deeply and slowly. He reached up and smoothed his hand over her back and she automatically snuggled against him even more if it were possible. He put both his arms around her once again, holding her tight, closing his eyes once again.

******************************************************************************

Brendan crept down the hall as the winter sunlight spilled from the hall window. He quietly opened his mother's bedroom door. He smirked and then a genuine smile lit his face. She was sleeping peacefully in Duo's arms and he was still asleep as well. He closed the door with a soft click and made his way down the stairs. He was hungry and he wanted his breakfast. He poured his cereal in a bowl and struggled a little with the milk as he poured it. He didn't want to spill. He walked carefully into the family room and sat down in front of the flat screen television, flipping on his Saturday morning cartoons. He kept it low. "Don't want to wake mommy and Duo," he said to himself as he dug his spoon into the large plastic bowl filled with Honey Nut Cheerios. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde opened her eyes gradually as the light through the sheer curtains flooded across the bed. But she noticed that several things were off. One, she was lying on something that was extremely warm and very well muscled. Two, a strong steady heartbeat was thudding in her ears. Three, her cheek was resting on bare skin. And four, someone's large hands were loosely linked across the small of her back. She blinked her eyes into focus as she lifted her head and looked up at her "pillow." She bit back a gasp as she saw Duo's sleeping face. She was shocked to find him here in her room and especially in her bed. Her body began heating up from the close contact. She had to get away before he woke up and before she decided to kiss him on those firm lips of his. She slowly moved her hands to the bed and began to push herself up off of him. 

Duo felt the weight on his chest leaving. He peeked open one eye at her. She wasn't looking at him, but her eyes were closed as she tried to remove her weight from his body. "Good morning babe," he said.

She looked up at him, her eyes going straight to his. She felt a slight flush creeping up her cheeks. "What are you doing in my bed?" she asked point blank. 

"Brendan heard you crying last night. He came into my room and woke me, asking if I could stop your crying," he replied as he opened both eyes and stared into the violet blue orbs in front of him. "Why do you cry in your sleep Hilde? And why have you become an insomniac?"

Hilde shook her head. "It's nothing," she said as she pulled herself away and tried to leave the bed. She was pulled back in one fluid motion that made her land back between his legs as he sat up. "Duo what are you doing!" she hissed at him.

"You never let me get out of telling you my nightmares, and I won't let you get out of telling me why you cry in your sleep," he said sternly. "Now tell me why you cry at night? It worries Brendan."

"Brendan can hear me?" she asked incredulously. She fell against his chest limply. "I didn't know that he could hear me," she said softly. 

"You would be surprised on what kids can hear," Duo said as he turned her around to face him. He lifted her chin up with one finger so her eyes were forced to meet his. "Come on babe. Tell me what makes you cry?"

Hilde could see the question in his cobalt eyes. She lowered them to her hands that she had folded around her waist. She wanted to tell him it was him that she cried for. But her tongue felt cleaved to the roof of her mouth. She wanted to tell him that Brendan was his son. She loved him, but she was so afraid of him not loving her. "I can't," she answered in a barely audible whisper. 

He sighed and tipped her chin up again. "Is it because you're lonely?" he asked softly. 

She looked at him wide eyed before her eyes fell away from the intensity in his. He was hitting so close to the truth. 

When she didn't answer, Duo was even more concerned then before. She was hiding her eyes from him again. He tried another tactic that she could hit him for. He reached up and laid his palm over her heart. "Are you lonely?" he asked again.

Hilde didn't move, didn't even breathe. She could feel the warmth of his hand though the thin silk. The touch was innocent enough. She bit her lip. 

She still didn't answer him. His lips twitched thoughtfully. He could feel her heart pounding rapidly under his hand. He grasped her chin firmly, but gently between his fingers. "Still won't tell me? But you can't hide what your heart is telling me. You are lonely, aren't you Hilde. That's why as soon as I held you against me last night, your tears stopped. You want the contact of having someone close to you. Your son isn't enough for you to stop. You need someone that will take care of that loneliness. Am I right?" he asked.

She closed her eyes. He was so right and she knew it. She was crumbling. "I…Duo…There are some things…I just can't tell you. But you're right, maybe I am lonely. But not for…" she trailed off. "I'm a mother now and things are not the same as they used to be. I can't look for or rather I can't have a…"

"A what?" Duo asked as he stroked her chin.

"A casual fling," Hilde replied. He was making it hard for her to breathe. He was way too close and there was too much of her skin and his skin exposed. A heated blush was racing up her cheeks once again. And the touch of his hand on her face and his palm resting over her heart were making her body burn for him. 

Duo grinned slightly as he saw her flush. He felt her heart race even more. He knew that his touch was beginning to have an effect on her. "Babe, I wasn't asking you to. But you need someone who's going to love you and hold on to you. And," he said as he leaned his face close to hers, "Someone to make love to you."

Her eyes popped open even more with shock at his words. "Th…tha…that's…" she stuttered as she shook her head. She closed her eyes so he wouldn't see the love and lust in them. 

He couldn't help but smirk. "That's not true? Hardly Hilde, a beautiful sexy woman like you needs that physical contact. Even if you are a mother, you're a woman first. And even I know that," he said in a barely audible tone.

Her heart stopped as she looked back at him. His eyes burned into hers. "What?"

"I remember Hilde. I wasn't that drunk not to know what I was doing," Duo replied as he slid his hand up from her heart and curled it around the back of her slender neck. He strummed his fingers on her skin, waiting for her reaction. 

"How do you remember that?" Hilde asked. She knew that her heart must have stopped beating. 

"Same way that you do. You weren't drunk enough that you wouldn't remember or the fact that you left proof," he continued on softly. 

"Proof?"

"Hilde, I knew you were a virgin. I saw the blood."

Her face got scalding hot. He knew. He remembered. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let on that you didn't remember?" she accused. 

"You never asked what happened that night. And from the look that you had on your face that morning, suggested that you might have not remembered. It didn't really sink in until I saw the evidence. I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said in apologetic reply. "I would have never…you know."

Hilde frowned. "Of course you wouldn't. When most guys are drunk, they take about almost anything that's female, you included. I was just a stand in for Brittany or else you would have fucked her instead of me. I was nothing like those other girls of yours."

It was Duo's turn to frown. "You weren't just some notch on the bedpost Hilde. You were different then other girls and that's what made you special. And if I had to choose between you and Brittany, I would choose you again."

She was astonished again. He never ceased to shock her. "But you were drunk to some extent, you probably wouldn't choose me if you were sober," she snorted. 

"I'm sober right now and I would choose you, you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because no woman sounds better then you when you scream my name. And you did, more then once," Duo said as he leaned forwards so his nose was touching his. "But it's also because you mean so much more then anyone else. Even my ex-wife couldn't compare to you. You're what a woman is supposed to be."

"Then why did you go for that whore?" Hilde gritted out.   


"You had Robert. Which he might have been a great guy and he cared about you, but I always knew that there was one thing he couldn't do," he said, gazing into her eyes. 

"And what was that?" she asked, steadily returning his gaze.

"He couldn't make a woman out of you," he said bluntly. 

Hilde went hot and then cold. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means Hilde babe, that I can. I would like to prove how much I can while I'm stone cold sober," Duo said huskily. 

The offer was damn tempting. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. They were filled with heat. Part of her wanted him to prove it, but the tiny voice inside her was holding her back. _"Don't do it Hilde. You don't even know if he loves you. **But why the hell not! **Because you have your pride. And you haven't even told him about Brendan. How do you think he'll react to that?"_

When she didn't say anything, he kissed her. He felt her start of surprise, but it didn't stop him from coaxing her lips open and slipping his tongue inside. He tightened his hand on the back of her neck while the other one slid into her hair. He stroked the roof of her mouth. He wanted her to respond to this kiss. 

She felt like she was drowning in a maelstrom of sensations. She never had a kiss quite like this. Her skin felt like it was tingling and her nerves were burning like an inferno. Her hands came up and braced themselves against his chest. Her fingers curled into his resilient flesh. Her tongue tentatively met his. 

Duo wanted to show her exactly what she was making him feel and with deliberateness, he rolled over, placing her underneath him. He kissed her with urgency. He was lying snugly between her slender thighs. He pressed her down into the mattress and against her.

Hilde could feel the hardness pressing meaningfully between her thighs, but she had no shred of rationality left. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, never wanting to let him go. 

******************************************************************************

Downstairs, Brendan was sitting on one of the plush blue floor cushions. He hadn't heard his mom or Duo yet. He smiled and continued to watch his cartoons. His attention was drawn away from them when there was a knock at the door. He scrambled to his feet and ran on the hardwood flooring to the front door. He got up on his stool and looked out of the glass panes. It was Aunt Cheryl. His tongue stuck out a little as he struggled a little with the two-deadbolt locks. He swung the door open. "Morning Aunt Cheryl," he said as she knelt down and gave him a brief hug. 

"Hello Brendan. Is your mom up yet?" Cheryl asked as she closed the door and locked it behind her. 

"I don't know," he replied as he scampered back to the family room that was connected to the kitchen. 

She sighed. "Should have known, it's Saturday and your mom sleeps in late." She lay her purse on the round kitchen table and walked to the foot of the steps. "Hilde," she called out. "Hilde," she called again as she went up a few steps. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde heard someone calling her name. _"Cheryl." _It snapped her back to reality and with a strong push, managed to get Duo off of her. She sprang off her bed and grabbed her robe. "It's Cheryl," she said as she gave herself a quick glance in her vanity mirror. She had been kissed thoroughly and it showed. "Dammit," she said as she ran a hand over her hair. She heard her name being called again. "I'm awake Cheryl, I'll be down in a sec," she yelled back. She went to her bath and splashed cold water on her face. She didn't meet Duo's eyes when she ran past him and out of her room, pulling the sash of her robe together. 

Duo fell back on the bed. "Shit," he said under his breath. He had been making headway and then Cheryl interrupted, sending Hilde back to where she was before he kissed her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he didn't know if she was ready to hear that yet. He sighed and rolled out of the bed. He went back to the guestroom and pulled on black tee shirt and jeans. He didn't bother with socks or shoes. He went downstairs to get some breakfast. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde gave Cheryl a tired smile as she came down the steps. "Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night," she lied. 

"You're still not sleeping well? Hilde, are you taking your sleeping pills at all?" Cheryl asked with concern. 

"No, I forgot and this is the last prescription that he gave me. Doctor Keys says if they don't work, he wants me to go to therapy," Hilde replied as she gave Brendan a kiss on his cheek before he went back into the family room. 

"I think you should go," Duo said from the kitchen door. 

Both women turned to look at him. Cheryl looked over at Hilde, who had looked away. "And what are you doing here?"

"I slept here in the guestroom," he replied innocently as he came in. He bent down and pressed a friendly kiss on Hilde's cheek. "Don't start blushing unless you want her to ask questions," he whispered in her ear. He moved away from her and found the box of Honey Nut Cheerios on the counter. He looked over at Hilde. "Bowls?"

"Lower cabinet on the left," Hilde said as she turned back to look at Cheryl, who was arching her brow in silent question. 

Duo wasn't satisfied with the small bowl, so like the big kid he usually was, grabbed a larger one and poured the cereal in and then the milk. He could see the cartoons that Brendan was watching. "I'll be in the other room with Brendan watching cartoons," he said as he put the milk away and went into the next room.

"Glutton," Hilde muttered under her breath. "The braided baka eats food like it's going out of style."

"Like father like son," Cheryl said softly. 

Hilde shot her a dirty look. "Not now Cheryl," she hissed. "I don't want him to hear."

"You haven't told him yet! Hilde!" Cheryl berated gently. She poured herself a coffee and sat down. 

"I don't know how to tell him," Hilde snapped in faint response as she sat down across from her with her coffee. She looked over the divider that separated the family room from the kitchen. She looked at father and son as they sat in front of the television, grinning idiotically at the cartoons. 

******************************************************************************

Duo leaned against the coffee table next to Brendan. The little boy had a bowl about the same size as his. There was nothing left in it. "Did you finish all of that?" he asked.

"Yup, I have a big appetite," Brendan said as he grinned. 

"That's good to hear. You need to keep the strength up to be the man of the house," Duo said, he cast a look over his shoulder at Hilde, who was looking at them. He shook his head as she looked away. 

Brendan nodded his head in response. He liked Duo a great deal and he seemed to care a lot about his mom. That was what he wanted. His mom needed someone to take care of her. "Maybe you could help?" he asked, turning his face up at Duo.

Duo looked back at the boy. His gaze was as intense as his own was and the deep blue eyes reflected Brendan's intelligence. They weren't Hilde's eyes, he knew that for sure and weren't Robert's either. He assumed that they could have belonged to another family member on either side. "Maybe kid, if your mom let's me," he replied as he ruffled the inky hair that was identical to Hilde's. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde smiled wryly. Duo and Brendan had matching grins, smirks, even the way that they genuinely smiled were the same. And they both had voracious appetites. One could almost tell that they were father and son, for Brendan had inherited that strong jaw with the stubborn chin. And of course the cobalt blue eyes. She knew that her son would be a heartbreaker just like Duo. She faced Cheryl again. "What?" she asked.

"You know what? Why was the reason you let him stay?" Cheryl asked as she tilted her head a little. 

"Impulse," Hilde mumbled into her cup.

"Do you still love him?" Cheryl asked softly. 

"Huh?"

"You heard the question Hilde. Do you still love him?" Cheryl prodded. 

"No," Hilde replied as color enflamed her cheeks.

"I'm very perceptive Hilde. I know you are," Cheryl replied knowingly. "You do. It's written all over your face. And if I'm not mistaken, I think he feels the same about you."

"What?!"

"I bet that he is," Cheryl said as she drained her coffee. "What were you really doing this morning?"

"Nothing," Hilde replied curtly as she turned her nose up. She looked down at her cup again. "So why are you here this early?" she asked, as she changed the subject. 

"Came to take you out shopping," Cheryl answered as she got up and put her empty cup in the sink. 

"Shopping?" Hilde asked. She snorted. "Who's going to look after Brendan?"

"I'll watch him," Duo said as he came back into the kitchen. "Go on out babe. Have fun and enjoy yourself. You're definitely entitled." He set his bowl and Brendan's bowl in the sink. "I don't mind." He gave her puppy dog eyes. 

Brendan came in and gave her the same look. "Please mommy? I'll be good for Duo."

Hilde sighed as she looked at the two adorable faces in front of her. She couldn't say no to two sets of puppy dog eyes. "Oh all right," she said with some exasperation, "I'll go shopping."

"Good," Duo said with a satisfied smile. "Now go on up and get dressed."

"Since when did you start telling me what to do?" she asked as she propped her hands on her hips. She turned her nose up in the air and then she left the kitchen. "Braided baka," she muttered under her breath. She didn't hear Duo come up behind her and jerk her back against his chest by the sash of her robe. 

"Since this morning," he replied as he leaned close to her ear. "Would you like me to demonstrate again?" he asked as he then kissed her ear. 

Gooseflesh spread down her arms and her legs. She pulled away and ran up the stairs. She closed her door and leaned against it. "Damn him."

Duo smirked as he watched her race up the steps and then turned on his heel and went back to the kitchen. 

__

Author's Note: Hopefully this is getting light enough so I'm not making people sniffle anymore. How did you like Hilde's reaction? Stay tuned for the next chapter coming up soon!!! XOXO!!

__


	9. The Reunion, Part 3

Disclaimer: I don't own them __

Disclaimer: I don't own them!

****

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 7c

Duo watched as Hilde and Cheryl left the house. He turned and looked over at Brendan. "So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Want to see the rest of New York?" Brendan replied from his seat on the steps. He grinned.

"Why not," Duo said as he shrugged his shoulders. "You going to play tour guide?" he teased.

"Uh huh," Brendan said shaking his head. 

"Well why don't you hurry up and get dressed?" Duo said, "And then we can start out."

"Ok," Brendan said as he ran up the steps. He looked over his shoulder when he reached the top. "You can take mom's Mercedes." He ran to his room. 

"Robert really left her well taken care of," Duo said under his breath. "Makes me wonder why they really divorced." He sat on the bottom step and pulled on his socks and boots. He sighed and leaned back on the step behind him. "What can I possibly give her that she doesn't already have?" he mused. 

Brendan pulled on his clothes as quickly as he could. He walked down the steps this time with his shoes in his hands. He sat down next to Duo and pulled them on. "Her keys are in the bowl on the kitchen counter," he said as he bit his lip as he struggled to tie his shoelace. 

"Here," Duo said as he knelt down in front of Brendan, "It goes like this." He slowly tied it and then looped it. "And then like this," he said as he pulled the loops through into the knotted bow. "You think you can do the other one?"

Brendan nodded his head and bent over, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he repeated what Duo had done on the other shoe. He slowly pulled the loops through into the knot. "Is that it?"

"Yup, that's it," Duo said, ruffling the boy's hair. He could see the way that Brendan's eyes lit up, just like Hilde's would when she accomplished something. "Are you ready to go then?" he asked as he stood. He handed him his coat. 

"Yeah," Brendan nodded eagerly as he pulled it around him. 

Duo pulled on his leather jacket and went to get the keys for Hilde's Mercedes. "Where's it parked?" he asked. 

"Out back behind the gate," Brendan replied as he opened the patio door from the kitchen and went outside. 

Duo followed, making sure that the door was locked behind him. He pushed open the heavy wrought iron gate tipped with sharp points. "That would be unpleasant," he said under his breath as he locked it too. He turned his head and got a good look at Hilde's car. The three-year-old Mercedes gleamed like polished brand new gundanium. "Damn," he muttered under his breath again. He held up the remote and the doors unlocked. He saw Brendan getting in the front seat. "Nope, back seat for you mister. Still to dangerous for you to sit in the front," he said as he opened the back door for him. 

Brendan scowled and climbed in. "That's what mommy says too," he sulked. 

"She's right," Duo said as he closed the door and went around to the driver's side and climbed in. The pearl gray leather shone in the winter sun. He ran his hand over the seat and looked at the dials set in real wood. "Very nice, very expensive. Wonder how much Rob spent on this baby?" he asked himself. 

Brendan buckled his seat. He crossed his arms. "How come you get to sit in the front?"

Duo chuckled at the five-year olds indignant expression. "Because I'm bigger and older then you are Brendan. I've been in things a lot more dangerous then this," he said as he started the car and the engine came to life. He looked at him in the review mirror. "Are you sure your mom won't mind me using her car?"

"No, she doesn't drive it too often. She won't mind," Brendan said dismissively. 

"I can see why, she would be afraid of damaging it," Duo said as he pulled away from the high brick fence and out into the city streets. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde scowled as she crossed her arms as Cheryl drove downtown and pulled up to the valet service outside of Neiman Marcus. 

Cheryl sighed as she handed the valet keys of her Land Rover to the young man. She looked back at Hilde. "Come on Hilde, try to enjoy yourself."

"Hmph," was Hilde's reply as she followed Cheryl inside the store. Her Ethan May shoes clicked on the highly polished floor. "That was blackmail," she said under her breath. 

"What was blackmail?" Cheryl asked as she stopped in the purse department. She picked up a vintage Kate Spade purse done in roses. She turned and looked back at Hilde. "Did Duo blackmail you into going shopping?"

Hilde's face flamed. "In a fashion," she replied through pursed lips. 

"And how did he manage to blackmail you?" Cheryl asked as she arched her brows. 

Hilde pursed her lips tightly and didn't reply.

"Did it have something to do with this morning?" 

"Yes," Hilde bit out as she tapped her nails on the glass of the display case. 

"I see," Cheryl said as she went up to the counter to purchase the vintage bag. 

Hilde snorted again and let her hand fall away from the display case. She sighed. She was letting Duo get to her. She couldn't let that happen. "Well come on, I want to see what they have in the shoe department. I wouldn't mind having another pair of Ethan May shoes."

"Well they are beautiful shoes," Cheryl said as she looked at the shoes Hilde was already wearing, "And very expensive too. He's a very in designer."

"Yeah I know," Hilde said as she winced when she thought of how much the pair she was wearing cost. "But they are definitely worth the price. They are heavenly. They're so comfortable."

"Well let's go up so you can find another pair and maybe I'll try a pair on," Cheryl said, relieved that Hilde's cheerier personality was resurfacing. 

"All right," Hilde said as she smiled, her good mood restored. 

******************************************************************************

Duo parked in a public lot and got out. He looked up at the tall buildings around him. He went over to Brendan's side and took his hand. "All right, where to first?"

"Hmm, let's see," Brendan pondered for a moment. "How about the museum? Mom likes to go there an awful lot and she says it's educational for me."

"Your mom likes it huh? Well why not?" Duo said as he paid for the parking and started walking with Brendan at his side. "I wouldn't mind."

Some time later…

Duo grinned down at Brendan, who was proving to be quite the tour guide. He had enjoyed the museum. The art from times past was interesting. And they were walking along the streets. The air was cold, but they both still walked on. "Where to next sport?"

"Well I'm a little hungry," Brendan replied sheepishly. 

His response made Duo chuckle. "A boy after my own heart. I'm a little hungry too to tell you the truth." He looked around at the street that they were on. "What do you recommend?"

"Umm, a place with hot dogs or hamburgers," Brendan supplied. "It has to have fries too and milkshakes and ice cream."

Duo laughed again. "Hungry aren't you?"

Brendan nodded his head eagerly. 

"Is this place any good?" Duo asked as he pointed to a place across the street. 

"Oh yes, mommy took me there before. The milkshakes are really good, especially the vanilla ones," Brendan answered. 

Soon the both of them were sitting across from each other in a booth. Duo was surprised on how well Brendan was packing it away. He swirled his straw around in his vanilla milkshake. He thought about Hilde. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. He was going to tell her how he felt about her, but he wasn't quite sure how he was going to do it. After what happened this morning, he knew that she would definitely keep him at an arm's length, or at least try to. But he had already figured out that she felt something about him and it was more then just being friends. He sighed into his straw. Women were so hard to figure out sometimes. He looked up and noticed that Brendan was looking at him with his one brow arched. "What?" 

"You were frowning," Brendan said as he licked salt off his fingers from the French fries. "Why?"

"It's nothing Brendan, you'll understand in about ten years and even then you still won't understand," Duo replied in a wry tone. 

"Were you thinking of my mom?" Brendan asked, curious. 

Duo was amazed at how perceptive the five-year-old in front of him was. "Sort of. I've known your mom since we were fifteen. And she's a little hard to figure out sometimes."

Brendan smirked. "I could have told you that. She's always hard to figure out."

Duo smirked back. "Observant, aren't you?"

"It helps," Brendan replied as he popped his last fry in his mouth. "Do you like my mom?" he asked bluntly. 

Duo was taken aback. "For a five year old, you're very observant. Yes, I like your mom."

"How much?" Brendan questioned, "Enough to kiss her?"

"Well…" Duo hedged a little. He could see the finely arced brows drawing in and his nose wrinkling. He had never been interrogated by a child before. He sighed. "Yes, enough to kiss her."

"Good, she needs it," Brendan said with a satisfied smile as he put his elbows on the table. 

Duo shook his head. "You're something else kid." He noticed that Brendan was finished with his lunch. "Now what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, maybe the toy store?" Brendan asked innocently, his lips curving into an angelic smile. 

"Toy store it is. Even a big kid like myself needs to visit one now and then," Duo replied as they threw out their trash and left. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde sighed in contentment as she looked at the three bags with all her purchases in it. She had bought herself three pairs of Ethan May shoes, then she had bought two outfits made by the same designer, and she had stopped in the lingerie department. She glanced over at Cheryl. "Well, I'm starving. All this shopping has left me hungry. How about it?"

"Wouldn't mind stopping for a bite," Cheryl replied as she hoisted her two bags up. One contained her purse and the other contained a pair of Ethan May shoes. 

They both settled in the restaurant upstairs. 

Hilde sipped her iced tea. "This is nice. I haven't been shopping in such a long time."

"I know, that's why I dragged you out," Cheryl said as she then took a bite out of her salad. "So, what are you going to do about him?"

"About who?" Hilde asked as she twirled her pasta about her fork. 

"About Duo, the father of your son and the man that you love," Cheryl said as she raised her glass of heavily iced water to her lips. 

"Duo? I don't know what you mean," Hilde said as she then put the pasta in her mouth. 

Cheryl sighed and set down her glass. "You know what I mean? Are you going to tell him the reason for your divorce from Robert? And the fact that Brendan is really his son and not Robert's."

Hilde dabbed her lips with her napkin and didn't reply. 

Cheryl chewed her lip in annoyance. "Hilde, you're going to have to tell him. It won't do you any good hiding it from him. Even I can tell that they're father and son and someone will mention it sooner or later."

Hilde looked up at her friend. "I'll tell him when I'm ready. And right now I'm not ready."

"Hilde you're so stubborn! Don't you realize that you're only going to hurt yourself even more! Why don't you just tell him! He seems to love you and you love him," Cheryl snapped. 

"He "seems" isn't good enough. He either loves me or he doesn't," Hilde said as she pursed her lips shut. "He has to admit his feelings first."

Cheryl fell back in her seat. "I swear it's like talking to a brick wall with you."

"Are we finished with this conversation?" Hilde asked as she picked up her fork once again. 

"Yes," Cheryl replied resignedly.

"Good. After we eat, we'll shop some more," Hilde said as she dug into her pasta once again. 

******************************************************************************

Duo slung the bag over his shoulder. Inside it was a stuffed Labrador puppy he bought for Hilde and board game that Brendan had chosen. "So where to now?" he asked, looking down at Brendan. 

"Ice skating," Brendan replied. His cheeks were pink with excitement and from the cold. 

"Ice skating it is," Duo said as he let himself be led to Times Square by the energetic five-year-old.

******************************************************************************

The two women followed lunch with a visit to a spa, which had been arranged by Cheryl. Hilde sighed as she had her pedicure. "This is heaven," she said dreamily. 

Cheryl smiled at her friend as she sat next to her, having a pedicure done. "Glad you like it," she said. 

Hilde leaned her head back and closed her eyes. It wasn't often that she pampered herself like this. She usually didn't like all the primping and all the other things she knew that some rich women like her did. She had never been that way. Duo had always seemed to like her that way that she was. She remembered some of his words from that morning, _"A beautiful sexy woman…" _She smiled at the thought as she was led over to have her hair done. 

******************************************************************************

Duo and Brendan walked back to the Mercedes. Both exhilarated by the ice skating that they had spent over and hour doing. "Thanks for showing me around Brendan," Duo said as they both got into the car.

"You're welcome Duo, I had fun," Brendan said as he let out a yawn. 

Duo smiled as he watched the boy's eyes drift closed. He was a little tired himself. He drove through the streets and as he made his way towards Hilde's home he noticed a flower shop on the corner. On impulse he stopped and got out. He bought a single red rose for her. He finally arrived back at her place and woke Brendan up enough so he could carry the rose for him while he carried the bag from the toy store. "Go on and take a nap on the couch Brendan. I'll wake you up when it's time for dinner."

"Ok," Brendan said as he went into the family room and pushed his shoes off before settling on the couch. He was out in minutes. 

Duo smiled and covered him with the hunter green chenille throw on the back of the cranberry colored couch. "Sleep well kid," he said as he brushed back some of the locks of Brendan's hair that lay on his forehead. He went back into the kitchen and with the rose and with the stuffed animal, he went up to Hilde's room and laid them on the bed. He went back downstairs and settled himself on the opposite side of the couch. He closed his eyes. "Maybe I'll take a short nap too." And within minutes, he was also asleep with his head on the back of the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table. 

Hilde and Cheryl had gone to The Velvet Room for dinner since Hilde had a discount there and the food always proved to be delicious. 

"So how to you think your son and his father are getting along?" Cheryl asked as she took a bite of her grilled chicken.

Hilde's fork stopped en route to her mouth. She put it back down on her plate. "I don't see why not. But one thing Duo is not is observant. If he couldn't tell that I was in love with him, then he won't notice that Brendan has his features including those tell tale eyes of his." She picked up her fork again and speared the steamed cucumber with it. 

Cheryl sighed. "Well are you glad that they're probably getting along?"

"Yes, I'm glad that they are," Hilde replied. Her smooth forehead furrowed a little. "Duo said he always wanted a family."

"And he has one, even if he doesn't know it," Cheryl said knowingly. "I would tell him Hilde. I would tell him that you love him and that Brendan is his son."

"I already told you that I wasn't ready to tell him," Hilde said with exasperation. "I thought we went through this earlier."

"We did. You changed the subject," Cheryl snorted as she took a sip of her wine. She put her glass down. "Are you willing to lose him for the second time because you're not ready to tell him how you've always felt about him and that he has a son?"

Hilde looked down at her plate. "I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to tell him. You don't know how hard this is for me. I've loved that braided baka since I was fifteen years old and I've never shown him the feelings that I've always had for him. And he told me last night he remembers that night that Brendan was conceived. He wasn't as drunk as I thought him to be."

"So he does remember," Cheryl said as she leaned back in her chair. She smiled softly and leaned back up again. She took her friend's hands in hers. "You can do it Hilde. Just don't wait too long to tell him. You may never get this chance ever again."

"I won't," Hilde said as she smiled faintly and went back to her dinner. 

Duo woke up when he heard the clock chime eight. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands. He glanced over at Brendan, who was still dozing peacefully on the other couch. He stood and stretched out his arms over his head before letting them fall to his sides. He was hungry again and he knew that the boy would be too. He went over to him. "Brendan, hey Brendan, wake up," he said softly as he shook his shoulder.

Brendan's eyes opened slowly and they focused blearily on Duo. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Eight. Do you want dinner?" Duo asked as he turned on a lamp to light the room. 

"Yeah," Brendan replied. "We have Macaroni and Cheese in the pantry."

"Mac and Cheese it is," Duo said as he ruffled Brendan's hair once again and went into the kitchen. He went to the pantry door and opened it, pulling out the box of Macaroni. He glanced at the directions. "Doesn't look like it's too hard to make," he said as he set it down on the counter. 

Brendan pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down. He watched as Duo took a pot from the overhead rack and filled it with water. "Are you sure you can cook?" he asked skeptically. 

"I can cook. Just not that well," Duo admitted sheepishly as he waited for the water to boil. He read the directions again to check what he was doing. 

Brendan sighed and rolled his eyes. 

It took him awhile, but he finally got the Macaroni and Cheese made. Duo spooned it onto two plates and poured two glasses of milk. "There, how does that look?" he asked as he set down the plate in front of Brendan. 

Brendan grinned up at Duo. "It looks good. Can we watch television while we eat?"

"Sure, why not," Duo replied as he carried the two plates while Brendan carried the two glasses of milk. They sat down on the floor pillows and flipped on the television again. "Let's see what's on," Duo said as he flipped through the channels. 

"How about that?" Brendan asked as he paused in eating. He pointed to the science fiction channel that was playing classic sci fi movies. 

"Star Wars it is," Duo said as he put down the remote and picked up his plate. 

Soon they were both finished dinner and Brendan was lying on his stomach watching the movie. And Duo was leaning against the coffee table. After awhile Duo noticed that Brendan's head was tipped to one side. He leaned forwards and saw that Brendan had fallen asleep once again. He grinned and turned off the television before he took the plates and the glasses back to the kitchen. After placing them in the dishwasher along with the pan that he used, he went back to family room and picked up the sleeping boy and carried him back upstairs to his room. "Hey Brendan," he whispered softly.

"Hmmm," Brendan replied sleepily as he sat up on his bed. "What time is it?"

"A little after ten. Time you were in bed."

Brendan pouted a little before he yawned a little. He smiled sheepishly up at Duo. "Mom's not home yet?"

"Nope, mom is not home yet," Duo replied as he leaned against the doorframe. 

"Oh ok," Brendan said as he rubbed his eyes with his hands. 

"Hurry up and get ready for bed and does your mom still read to you?" Duo asked before he closed the door. 

"Sometimes, but I would like it if you would," Brendan answered honestly. 

Duo nodded his head and closed the door. He leaned against the wall for ten minutes until the door opened once again. "Ready?"

"I have to brush my teeth first," Brendan said as he ran down the hall to the bathroom. 

Duo went into Brendan's room and sat down on the edge of the bed. He had vague memories of Sister Helen telling him stories when he was eight years old. He smiled ruefully at the memory. Those days seemed so long ago. 

"I'm ready for my story now," Brendan said as he scampered back into his room and hopped onto the bed. He pulled the covers up around his chin. 

"All right, let's see," Duo said, pondering for a moment. "All right, this is a story about an angel."

"An angel?" Brendan questioned as he looked at Duo. 

"Yes an angel. She was the most beautiful one in the heavens. No one could touch her. She was so innocent, so pure. She could save anyone. Even the ones that no one thought could be saved," Duo began softly. 

Brendan listened as he told the story. In the back of his mind, he knew Duo had to be talking about his mother. He smiled sleepily as his eyes began to drift closed. 

Duo looked down at Brendan. He was asleep. He smiled and got up, pulling the sheets and the blankets up higher. He ruffled the boy's hair lightly and on impulse bent down and pressed a light kiss on the boy's forehead. He slowly and quietly left the room. He looked back at the sleeping boy as he dimmed the light. "I would definitely like to have a son like you Brendan." He closed the door behind him and went back downstairs. He sat down on the couch and turned the television on again. He laid his head on the pillows on the couch as he stretched out, kicking off his shoes. As the minutes ticked by, he was hard pressed to keep his eyes open. And finally when they closed again, they didn't open. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde walked up the steps to her home. She had sung her two songs. She glanced at her watch. It was almost midnight and Cheryl had just dropped her off. She opened the door silently. She didn't hear anything except for the dim drone of the television. She went back to the family room to find Duo asleep on the couch. She smiled and switched it off, leaving the room silent. She placed the blanket over him and switched out the light, leaving the one in the kitchen dim as she picked up her bags once again and headed upstairs. She set them down outside her door and went to check on Brendan. She went into the room and pressed a kiss on his forehead. "Sleep well my little devil," she whispered before she left the room. She went back to her own and put the bags by her closet. Her eyes fell on the bed. "What's this?" she asked herself as she picked up the rose and the stuffed animal. _"Duo." _She couldn't help but smile at the sweet gesture. "He sure knows how to be romantic when he wants to be," she said as she filled the small vase she had in her room and placed the long stemmed rose in it. She hurriedly got dressed for bed in flannel pajamas. She buttoned up the top as she left her room and went back downstairs. She silently fixed herself a mug of hot chocolate before she went to the living room and sat down in the plush chairs along with a book. 

Duo woke up some time later. The first thing he realized was that the television was off and that he was covered with a blanket. He lifted his watch and pressed the light, showing him the time. It was well past midnight. He threw the blanket off and rubbed his eyes before standing. "I wonder if Hilde is home," he said to himself as he walked through the kitchen and down the hall. He noticed that the light from the living room was on. He poked his head around the wall and saw her sitting in the chair with a book. She was asleep now and he went into the room, gently picking the book off her lap and sliding her glasses off her nose. He laid them on the table and switched out the light. He picked her up and slowly carried her up the steps. He was amazed at how light she seemed as he laid her on her bed. He pulled the covers down before placing her under them. He stood there and watched her. The clear light from the moon shone through the sheer drapes, falling across the bed, highlighting her face. He knelt down by the side of the bed, tracing his fingers lightly over her jaw. "Hilde," he whispered before he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I love you," he said as he finally stood and went back to the guestroom. 

__

Author's Note: Here is the next installment and I hope you enjoy it! There will be more soon so stay tuned! XOXO!


	10. Discovery

Disclaimer: I don't own them!  
  


I Will Never Be The Same, Part 8 

**__**

Hilde avoided Duo's gaze at the breakfast table. It was Monday morning and Brendan had to go to school. It meant that she would be left home alone with Duo. Their son had provided a buffer between them over the weekend and now he wouldn't be there for part of the day. At the moment, father and son were scarfing down their breakfasts like no tomorrow. She noticed that Brendan was without his tie. "Where's that tie young man?"

Brendan's spoon stopped halfway to his mouth. "In my room mommy," he said sheepishly. 

"As soon as you're finished you go right back up there and get it," she ordered gently as she stood up from her chair and put her plate in the dishwasher. 

"Your mom doesn't let you get away with much, does she?" Duo asked teasingly as he looked over at Brendan before moving to Hilde's back, where they remained. 

"Never," the little boy mumbled as he slurped down his milk from his cereal bowl. He slipped off of his chair and went over to the sink. "Here's my bowl mom."

"Go get your tie now," Hilde instructed as she took the bowl and ruffled his hair affectionately. 

Brendan ran from the room. 

Duo's eyes went to Hilde. "So what were you planning to do with your day?"

Her eyes met his and flickered away. "I don't know. What were you doing today? Don't you have something to do?"

"No, not really," he replied as he scraped his plate clean and licked the remaining syrup from his waffles, off of the fork. "Why? Trying to get rid of me?" He gave her a mischievous smile. 

"Not at all. I just thought you would want to go out on your own."

"And leave you alone? I wouldn't dream of it."

Hilde opened her mouth to say something, but Brendan came scampering back into the room with his navy and burgundy striped tie in hand. 

"I can't tie it," Brendan said petulantly, giving his mother puppy dog eyes. 

Hilde laughed softly. "Doesn't mean you get out of wearing it mister."

"Here I'll help him with that," Duo said as he got up from his chair. "It's a guy thing," he said to her as he knelt down in front of the boy. He took the tie from the child's hand. His tongue stuck out a little as he tied it. "There you go, all done," he said proudly as he leaned back on his heels. 

"Thank you Duo," Brendan said gratefully as he touched the tie. He ran into the hall and pulled the stool in front of the mirror in the hall. "You tie better than mom," he said in awe. 

"I'm a guy, I know how to tie a tie," Duo said, shrugging as he came into the hall and looked into the mirror as well. His eyes went to Brendan's eyes. He was momentarily startled to see that they almost matched his completely. "You're mom is a woman kiddo, women do not know ties," he commented as his eyes went to her. 

Hilde's cornflower blue eyes connected with the cobalt ones in the mirror's reflection. They abruptly fell away from his when she saw the questioning look he was sending her as he looked back at Brendan's eyes before returning them to hers. _"He knows."_ She cleared her voice as a horn sounded outside. "Come along Brendan, Missus Adams is picking you up today," she said as she picked up her son's small knapsack. 

"All right, coming," Brendan said as he hopped off of the stool and ran over to her and took the bag from her and slipped it over his shoulders. "Bye Duo!" he yelled as he ran to the door. 

Duo chuckled at the boy's obvious enthusiasm. His eyes went back to Hilde's.

"I'll walk you outside now," Hilde said as she smoothed his hair back into place and went past Duo to the front door. She opened it and stepped outside, relieved to be away from his probing gaze. "Have a nice day dear," she said as she bent down and pressed a kiss on his cheek. 

"Bye," Brendan yelled again as he ran down the front steps and hopped into the Cadillac. 

"I'll have him home at one Hilde," Missus Adams called as she closed the car door behind him. 

"Thank you May," Hilde replied as she waved them off. She looked over her shoulder at the frosted glass of her front door. She didn't want to be alone with him, but with a deep breath, she steeled herself and went back inside the house. He was standing there, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. She held her head up as she made her way past him to clean up the rest of breakfast. 

"Hold it right there," Duo said as he reached out and grasped onto her arm. "You and I have to have a little talk."

"Not right now Duo, I have to clean up and then I have to…"

"You don't have anything to do today Hilde, I checked your date book on the kitchen counter. It's just you and me today."

She paled, but didn't ask him to release his hold on her. "You were snooping."

"I hardly call what I did snooping babe when it's sitting out on the counter," he pointed out logically as he turned her towards him. "Let me ask you this, when's Brendan's birthday?"

Hilde blanched. "December twenty third, After Colony Two Zero, Zero."

"December twenty third, huh? That's almost nine months after you married Robert."

"I know. Robert got me pregnant."

"Babe, you married Robert later then that or else Brendan's birth date is messed up."

"He was born two weeks early," Hilde said, flustered as she looked away. 

"Two weeks early? That would fit if you hadn't slept with anyone else, but you slept with me not too long before," Duo pointed out slowly as his eyes tried to catch hers again. He reached out and tilted her chin up so she would look him in the face. "Am I right?"

"What are you getting at Duo?"

"What am I getting at? I think you know exactly what I'm getting at," he said softly as he looked into her eyes. 

A sickening feeling washed through her. He had figured it out and he wasn't looking too happy over it. "I don't know what you're talking about," she answered faintly. His kept her eyes captivated. 

"Yes you do Hilde," Duo said as he leaned away from the wall and walked her backwards until he was leaning over her. He looked down into her face and braced his other hand on the wall next to her. "What I want to know is, were you ever going to tell me?"

"Tell you what!" she countered frantically. She had not wanted him to find out before she told him, but it was too late now with the flickering anger in those cobalt eyes. 

"That he's my son."

_A/N: Here it is! I know this has been a long time in getting out, but I didn't forget about it! I hope you like it and you know me and cliffhangers! So stay tuned for more and this time I promise I'll update this a little sooner! XOXO!!_


	11. Truth and Consequences

_Disclaimer: I don't own them!_

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 9 

**__**

Hilde licked her suddenly dry lips as she looked into the cobalt eyes in front of her. There was total disbelief and some anger mirrored in them. She didn't reply, but lowered her eyes to the hardwood floor. 

Duo tilted her chin up with one finger, forcing her to meet his eyes again. "When were you going to tell me? Were you ever going to tell me that I had a son?"

"I…I was…eventually," she replied softly as she looked away again. 

"You knew the day you married Robert that you were pregnant with my son," he stated in a controlled voice. 

"I knew. But what would've been the point of telling you. You were married to Brittany."  
  


"It wouldn't have mattered dammit! You walked out on me with the knowledge that you were pregnant with my child and to marry another man!"

"What was I supposed to do, Duo? At the time I didn't even know if you remembered sleeping with me!"

"You could've told me!"

"There was no point! You were married to a woman I despised, who hated me in return!" she exclaimed heatedly. 

"It wouldn't have mattered, Hilde! I cared about you and you knew that. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for you," he said in a softer tone as he took a step away from her. 

"You couldn't do everything for me, Duo," Hilde said sadly as she turned away from him. "I wanted you to be happy even if the woman was someone I hated. I didn't want to ruin your chance to have a family that you wanted so badly."

Duo grasped her by the shoulders and turned her to face him again. "I realized when I married her that it wasn't her that made me happy. It was you. It was always you. You were the one who made me want a family. I wanted one with you."

His words stunned Hilde. "You wanted one with me?"

"Yes. I wanted one with you. You were the perfect woman. You did everything right. You were what I wanted, but I wouldn't chase after you. I knew in my heart you were way too good for the likes of me," he explained gently as a wry smile crossed his lips. 

"You wanted me?"

"I always wanted you, I just didn't know it until it was too late. Until you were gone. It was like a light in my life was gone and all of a sudden I realized what I really needed, what I really wanted, was gone."

A watery smile crossed her lips.

"And I still need you, Hilde. I've always needed you."

Hilde lowered her eyes and looked at his hands holding onto her. "Than you understand why I had to leave without telling you."

"No, I don't understand. I want you to tell me why?" he asked as he led her to the living room. He sat her down on the couch, sitting down next to her. 

"I was scared, Duo. I was pregnant by you and you were married. It wasn't right of me to interfere in your marriage. Robert loved me and I cared deeply about him. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"You thought it was the right thing to do? To up and leave, without telling me? Especially when you were carrying my child. Why did you go through all the trouble to hide it?"

"Like I said, I was scared. To me, I thought it was some one-night stand. You were my best friend. I wasn't going to ruin our friendship because of one night of reckless passion. You were drunk, I was drunk, we didn't know what we were doing."

"I thought I told you I remembered."

"Yes, a few days ago you told me that. But I didn't know then!"

Duo raked his hand through his hair. "What a mess."

"You were not supposed to find out at all," she whispered as she looked down at her hands. 

He raised his eyes to hers. "You would've kept this from me?"

"If Robert hadn't realized it, yes, I would have. He would've had the son he couldn't have."

"He couldn't give you children?"  
  


"No, we tried to get pregnant again, but it was discovered that he couldn't," Hilde said as she stood up and went over to the window. She rested her forehead on the cool glass. "He realized that Brendan wasn't his since the doctor mentioned that it was a miracle that I had gotten pregnant with our son in the first place. He said it was improbable. Robert just connected the dots and figured it out."

"His eyes gave him away. Brendan has my eyes."  
  


"It would've been better if he had been born with my eyes, but fate chose to give him yours. Almost a reminder of what was and what could never be. Robert wanted Brendan to be his so much."

Duo's lips twitched. "Would you have ever told anyone at all?"

"No."

"Dammit, Hilde! Brendan is my son! You would've gone through his life, letting him believe that he was Robert's son, when in fact he wasn't! And you would've kept it from me!"

"He's my son! I raised him and took care of him for the past few years on my own! I love Brendan more than anything! And if that meant I would live a lie for the rest of my life, fine! There's nothing I wouldn't do to ensure his happiness!"

Duo got up off of the couch and yanked her around to face him. "But he's my son too! You didn't get pregnant alone! He's part of me as much as much he is you!"

She pulled her arm out of his grasp. Her breasts heaved with each breath she took. "What difference would that have made when you were banging Brittany?"  
  


"It makes plenty of difference since every time I took her to bed, all I could think about was you!"

"That's a lie!"

"Is it? Why do not sleep at night? Why, Hilde? Is it because you're longing for someone to be there? Is it because it's me that you want?" Duo demanded. 

Hilde's mouth snapped shut as she stared up at him, her eyes flashing. "I don't need or want any man. I have all that I want here." She turned on her heel and pushed her way past him. 

"I don't think so, baby," he said as he caught her arm once again, pulling her against him. He looked down into her stormy eyes. "You're lying through your teeth. I know you walk away when you lie because you don't want to look me in the eye because you know I'll see the truth lurking behind those beautiful eyes of yours. You want me and I will prove to you just how much you do!" With that, he kissed her. Hard.

She let his mouth take possession of hers for a moment, before, with all her strength, pushed against him, freeing her from his grip. "I don't," she hissed furiously. 

"You do, I know you do," Duo growled as he looked deep into her eyes. "Stop fighting it."

"Leave me alone!"

"Never. I won't stop until I have what I want."

Hilde paused in her tracks as she started to leave the room. "And what the hell does that mean?"

"Oh, I'll tell you what it means, Hilde babe. I want my son," he said as he took a step towards her, "And I want his mother. I want you. I won't stop until I have you both. You can fight me every step of the way if you like, but sooner or later, I will have you and my son. I'm not going to let you get away this time."

She shook her head. "I'm not some prize to be won."

"No, you're not. You're the mother of my child. I want you by my side and if I have to fight you every step of the way, I will. I will get the both of you in the end. I'm not going to give up on you," he said silkily. 

Hilde took an involuntary step back. She could see that conquering look in his eyes. She knew he could lay siege to the day he died. He was stubborn and determined. Part of her was rejoicing that he had always wanted her like she wanted him, but another part of her was running in the opposite direction. She loved him, but she knew he didn't love her. She was just the mother of his son, nothing more, nothing less. "Try all you like, Duo Maxwell. I don't give in easily," she said in icy voice as she turned on her heel and went up the steps to her room. She shut the door hard behind her and locked it. Flopping down on the edge of her bed, she ran her hands through her hair. "But for how long, I just don't know," she whispered. 

Duo heard the door slam. He relaxed his stance and let his head fall back. "Hilde, just say that you love me. I know you're waiting for me to say it, but I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. I know what you're trying to hide. I love you, but if you want me to lay siege to you, than I will. I'm the God of Death, and I don't give up on any challenge, especially from the woman I love."

_A/N: Another chapter done! Another twist thrown in! I hope you enjoyed this so far, so stay tuned for more! XOXO!!_


	12. Hilde's Date

_Disclaimer: I don't own them!_

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 10 

**__**

Hilde glared at Duo from across the table. He had been true to his word the entire week. He had sent her looks that made her knees turn to Jell-O and her heart palpitate out of control. She fought the feelings that swirled within her and had resisted him so far. She was just as stubborn as he was if not more. She could feel his eyes on her again as he helped Brendan with his homework. _"Damn the baka and those eyes of his. He thinks if he looks at me like that, I'll give in. Well, he has another thing coming."  "How's your homework, darling?" she asked her son as she looked up from her magazine. _

"Ok, mommy. Duo's helping me with my math," Brendan replied, grinning at his mother. 

"He was good with numbers," Hilde said as she smiled back at him. 

"I'm good at a lot of things, babe," Duo replied, smirking at her. 

She snorted at the innuendo and pushed out of her chair. She glanced at her watch. "I should be getting ready."

Duo continued to watch her. "A night at The Velvet Room?"

"No. A date," she replied, giving him a sugary smile. 

His mouth twitched and his eyes darkened. "A date?" he repeated. 

Hilde nodded. "A date. I do go out sometimes, Duo." She turned on her heel and walked away. She was halfway up the steps before she felt a hand close around her elbow and wheel her around. Those cobalt eyes were flickering with intense jealousy. "What?"

"You're not going out on a date," he growled as his hand tightened on her arm. 

"And why not?"

"Because I said so."

Her chin went up a few notches. "I don't need you to tell me what to do."

"You're the mother of my son," he retorted, his eyes narrowing. 

"The only thing that ties me," she replied as she yanked her arm out of his grasp, "To you. Otherwise, there's nothing else except air."

He glared straight at her. "I can prove you otherwise. Want me to demonstrate?"

Hilde gave him a level look. "You touch me and I'll make you sing soprano for weeks on end."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

Duo stared up into her stormy blue eyes. He knew she would as sure as she held that gun to his head those years ago. She was resisting. He expected it. She was doing a hell of a job. He wanted her. He loved her. There was no way he could deny that. But if fighting her every step of the way, were the way to win her, he wouldn't back down. She was too important to let go. "I'm not letting you out of this house."

"You can't stop me, Duo. I own the house. I'm not yours. I can do whatever I want with whomever I want." She turned away from him and continued up the steps. She gave him another look before she closed her door. "It's not the first time I've dated either." And with that, she shut the door behind her with a click. She leaned against it and let out the breath she had been holding. She had been lying about the other dates. This was the first date. "The only reason he wants me to stay is because of our son, not because he wants me. I'm not going to be one of his conquests," she muttered as she began to get ready. 

Duo came back down the steps and sat down at the foot of them. He was furious. He was more than that. He was insanely jealous. His Hilde going out with other men. Those men knowing those luscious lips and that sweetly curved body. It made his teeth grind and blood rush to his head. "Damn her." He raked an agitated hand through his bangs when the doorbell rang. He rose from the steps and walked towards the door. He stared at the brass knob before opening it. A man with a bouquet of pale pink calla lilies and in a tailored black suit stood on the front stoop. "Yes?" The hair on the back of his neck was standing on end and his blood was beginning to boil. This was his Hilde's date. 

"Hi, my name is Rushton Phelps. I'm here to pick up Hilde," the chocolate-haired man replied smoothly. "May I come in?"

The urge to slam the door in the man's face was tempting. He squelched it and gave the man a tight smile. "Come on in. Hilde is getting ready."

Rushton stepped in and looked him up and down. "And who might you be? I wasn't aware that Hilde had any guests in her home?"

The urge to punch the man was even greater. Duo pushed that back too. "I'm an old friend who's visiting for a few weeks. My name is Duo Maxwell."

"I see."

_"I bet you do, you pompous bastard." "And how did you meet Hilde? I didn't know she was seeing anyone."_

"I met her in The Velvet Room a few weeks ago. I gave her my number and when she called, she asked to see me again."

"She did, did she?"

"Hilde is a very beautiful woman."

"A wonderful mother as well," Duo commented. 

"That she is. I saw her with her son the night I met her," Rushton replied with a slight smile. 

Duo glanced over his shoulder towards the back of the house. He could hear the television since Brendan had finished his homework. "I see."

"Rushton, is that you?" 

Duo turned at the sound of her voice. His eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. At the top of the stairs, stood Hilde. The sexy silk sheath was black. It had to been made just for her for it accentuated her small, but curving figure. It made him want to bound up the stairs and kiss her senseless. 

Hide could see the look in Duo's eyes as she started down the steps. The finely crocheted wrap was draped over one shoulder and one arm. Her delicate black bead purse swung from a short chain from around her wrist. She let her eyes fall on her date for the evening. "Rushton, how pleasant it is to see you again," she said as she took the last step. 

Rushton walked forwards and took her hand, kissing the back of it. "You look lovely. These flowers are pale in comparison."

Duo wanted to bound and gag the man as he flirted with Hilde. He watched how Rushton was looking at her with a look in his pale blue eyes. He didn't like it. Not one bit. _"You lay a hand on her, I'll kill you. I'm not the God of Death for nothing." _

"Wow, you look pretty, mommy," Brendan said as he came running into the foyer. He gave her an adoring smile. 

"Thank you, Brendan," Hilde beamed as she got down to her son's level. "You remember Mister Phelps?"

Brendan looked up at the dark haired man standing next to his mother. "Hello."

"Hello there, Brendan. It's nice to see you again," Rushton replied warmly. 

Brendan nodded his head and gave him a cordial smile. His eyes went to Duo, who was staring at his mother. 

Duo was fighting to keep his emotions under control. He wanted to throw the man out and carry Hilde back to her bedroom so he could have the honor of taking the dress off of her and kissing every inch of her soft white skin. 

Hilde pressed a kiss on Brendan's cheek before she stood back up. "I won't be home too late. Listen to Duo and be a good boy for mommy."

"I will." Brendan's tone was solemn. 

Hilde cast a look at Duo. "And you know he has to be in bed by nine thirty and no later."

Duo's throat felt constricted. "Whatever you say, Hilde." His eyes lit on Rushton again. 

She caught the direction of his gaze. His eyes had that glacial quality. If she didn't know better, she could swear that he looked jealous. However, she brushed it off with a shake of her head. "I'm ready to go if you are," she said as she looked over at her date. 

He smiled and handed her the bouquet of flowers, while he tucked her one arm through his. "Shall we?"

"Where are you going?" Duo asked, his eyes boring into hers.

Hilde gave him a small smile. "The Russian Tea Room. Don't wait up for me." She let Rushton escort her out of the house and down to his waiting Mercedes. She glanced over her shoulder towards her home to see Duo and Brendan both standing on the stoop. She blew Brendan a kiss before climbing into the soft leather interior. Her eyes connected with Duo's for a brief second before she was whisked away by her date. She resisted the urge to look back as they drove off. Her eyes closed for a brief second. _"I hate lying to him."_

Duo stared after the sleek black car with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. 

Brendan was watching Duo. He had noticed how he and his mother interacted with each other the entire week. Duo would watch her and when he wasn't looking, his mother was watching him. Or when they seemed to touch, his mother would get all flushed and flustered. He knew that Duo liked his mother very much. He wondered if the reason for his mother's color around him was because she liked Duo the same way. But she was with someone else tonight. Not in his short memory did she ever date. She preferred to stay home, but he didn't know why she had called up the man she was with when they had only met the week prior to Duo's arrival. He didn't like it at all. "I don't like him," he said in a solemn tone as he looked up at Duo. 

Duo cast a look at his son. "I don't like him either," he said ruffling the midnight hair. He then smiled. "Let's go back in, I'll make some popcorn and we'll watch movies until you have to go to bed. Sound good to you?" 

The cobalt eyes lit up. Brendan smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah," he said as he scampered back into the house. 

Duo cast one more look towards the direction Hilde went. "I'll have you yet, Hilde. You're mine whether you agree with it or not," he vowed before he closed the door behind him. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde sighed into her wine glass. They were still at dinner. It had been excellent thus far, but Rushton was missing something. His eyes weren't that intense cobalt blue. His hair wasn't a rich shade of chestnut. And he didn't wear a perpetual smirk on his face like he knew something the rest of the world didn't. He wasn't…_"He's not Duo." _The thought struck her in the chest. She did love the braided baka more than anything, but he didn't love her. He wanted her because she was the mother of his son. Not that if he asked her, would she go to him in a heartbeat, but her stubborn pride prevented that. She wanted all of him or nothing at all. It would be the only way. She sighed again as Rushton ordered dessert for the both of them. This was turning out to be a very long evening. 

******************************************************************************

Duo sat in the window seat in the living room with the lights off. Brendan had been put to bed hours ago. He was watching for her. The thought of her being with some other man burned like acid. He perked up when he saw a car pull up in front of the house. It was Hilde. He watched with ill concealed dislike as Rushton walked her up the steps to the front door. He had a clear view of them on the steps. "If he kisses her I'll kill him," he muttered as they reached the door. The front light played over her skin, giving it an ethereal glow. She looked incredible in that dress and he knew that Rushton thought the same thing. His hands balled into fists as he thought of the number of men that had kissed her good night…or good morning. A flash of anger shot through him at that thought. He didn't like imagining Hilde in another man's arms, kissing those pert pink lips, or in another man's bed. His stomach clenched as he thought of the men who must know of the breathy catch in her throat when she came and got to touch what he had only dreamed about for years. The images seethed inside of him, unwilling to disappear. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde smiled up at Rushton. "I had a wonderful time tonight. Thank you."

"It was no problem, Hilde. I would very much like to take you out again," he replied as he touched her hand. 

She smiled up at him. "That would be nice, but I think that might be awhile again before I go out."

"I understand, your son takes precedence, but," he said as he lifted a hand to her cheek, "I would like to…" He lowered his head and kissed her. 

Hilde closed her eyes as his mouth touched hers. She felt nothing. There was no spark and no fireworks. 

******************************************************************************

White-hot fury ripped through Duo as he watched them kiss. He watched how Rushton was touching her cheek and how he was resting a possessive hand on her waist. And she looked like she was returning the kiss. His teeth ground together. 

******************************************************************************

She leaned back, ending the kiss. She gave him a soft smile. "Good night."

"Good night, Hilde," Rushton said as he kissed her hand.

******************************************************************************

Duo went to the front door and waited. Rage was just below the surface as he stood there in the darkened foyer. 

******************************************************************************

Hilde unlocked the front door and shut it behind her. She twisted the locks and sighed. "I'm glad that's over." She turned around and almost collided with him. She took a step back. "Duo! You scared me!"

His eyes narrowed even more as they raked over her in the dark. There was just enough illumination coming through the frosted glass panes on the doors for him to see her. 

She took another reflexive step back. He hadn't replied and there was a look in his eyes that she hadn't seen before. She swallowed. "I'm going to bed now," she said as she tried to walk around him. 

"I don't think so."

A/N: Did I leave you hanging? Stamping of feet or the pulling out of hair is accepted; strangling is optional, of course. Stay tuned for more! XOXO!! 


	13. Hilde and Duo

_Disclaimer: I don't own them!_

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 11 

**__**

Hilde found herself pushed back against the wall. His hands were warm around her wrists as they were held against her sides. His words made a chill race down her back. She knew he would never hurt her, but there was a dangerous look in his eyes. There was no sound save their breathing. "Duo, let go of me."

Duo looked down into her appealing face. He could feel the rapid rise and fall of her breasts against his chest. Jealousy was still coursing through him. "You let him kiss you."

Her eyes widened. "Were you spying on me?"

"I watch everything you do. I don't like some guy touching what's mine."

His statement made her heart rate increase, but it also made her eyes narrow. "I'm not yours."

He could see the defiance in the set of her jaw and the way she was looking at him. She had a backbone made of steel. He would give her that. She was the only woman that could stand up to him and come out a winner. But this time, he wasn't going to let her win. This time, it was his turn. "Oh no?" he drawled. 

"No."

"Liar."

Hilde's lips parted on a gasp. "You dare to call me…"

"I'll call you what I like, babe. But let me make this one thing clear. You're mine, whether you like it or not. You became mine the moment my mouth touched yours. Deny all you like, but one way or the other, I'm going to win this battle of wills."

"I'm not some prize to be won!" she hissed. 

"I never said you were a prize. I just want you," he retorted. 

"You don't…" she was cut off when his lips silenced her. The kiss was dominating and crushing. Sparks and fireworks were the first things that came to mind. His kiss thrilled her. Her knees felt weak and her blood was roaring in her ears. This was a kiss from a man that desired her above all else. 

Duo could feel her weakening against him. He was angry, he was being irrational, but he was desperate. He wanted to show her, to make her understand that he wanted her for her, not just their son. He pulled his mouth away from hers. "Now, what does that tell you? I want you, Hilde. What more do I have to do to get you to believe that?" he whispered against her mouth. 

Her breath came in short gasps. She had never been kissed like that before in her entire life. She blinked her eyes back into focus as she looked up at him in the darkness. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body as it pressed against hers. "How could you ever want me? When I wanted you, you wanted somebody else. I moved on. Our son was the result of one reckless night. I might have gone to you then if you didn't have Brittany, but you did. It left me no other choice. And there's no choice now. I'm where I want to be," she replied.

"Dammit, Hilde! Stop being so proud! If I just wanted Brendan, I wouldn't be wasting my time kissing you. And you do want me. I know you do, you just don't want to admit it to yourself because you're afraid that the only reason I want you is because of our son. I do, but it goes more than that. I want you too, not just to be his mother; I want you because I love you! Is that what you need me to say?"

She blanked at his passionate response. Never in a million years would she have expected him to say that he loved her. It was mind blowing. She shook her head. "No, I don't believe you. You couldn't possibly…"  
  


He cut her off again by kissing her. He realized that she would carry it to the extreme, but not as far as she was pushing it. He gathered her closer to him, threading his fingers through her hair and sliding his arm around her waist. Frustration was setting in. He had to push this even further. His tongue stroked the roof of her mouth.

Hilde felt her insides liquefy as his tongue slid sensuously around her mouth. She was making him prove it. She wanted so much to believe that he really loved her and that he wasn't just saying it to win her over. Her hands clutched his forearms for support as his kiss singed her nerve endings and rendered her universe into chaos. She was holding on with the last thread of rationality. She knew that if she gave in, there was no going back. The choice she made now would determine the future for Brendan and her. _"Am I ready to make that choice? Am I going to   give in to what my heart wants most or am I going to continually deny myself the one thing, the one person that I've always loved, always wanted in the entire world? Can I do that? Her heart knew the answer. This was no time to think with her head, but with her heart instead. He told her he loved her and she knew deep down that he meant it. He fought with a passion, he worked with a passion, and knowing him, he would love the same way. She let herself melt into his arms, sliding her hands up over his shoulders and around his neck. _

When Duo felt her conform to him, willingly, he knew she had made her choice. He pulled his mouth away from hers for a brief moment and stared down at her. "I love you, Hilde. I've loved you and needed you for so long. I knew the day that you disappeared that what I wanted most was gone. You were that light, that place I always came home to. You're my home, babe. You've always been the one," he breathed against her mouth. 

Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at him. She stroked his jaw with her fingertips. "Duo…I love you. I've loved you since the day I laid eyes on you, wearing that cocky smile and those sunglasses. You were the most handsome guy I'd ever seen and it was by fate that I got to have you. I've wanted to tell you so many times that I loved you, but I was afraid that would change the friendship that we had. That one night was a revelation to me. I knew if that was all I was going to have of you, than so be it. But now, I can tell you that I love you with my whole heart."

"Babe," he whispered hoarsely as he buried his face in her hair. He clutched her tightly, afraid that this was a dream. "God, I love you. I love you." He didn't want to stop saying it. He had waited so long to say it to her. He closed his eye against her neck as he pressed tiny kisses under her ear. The scent of her perfume enveloped him, covered him like a welcoming blanket. He was home. "Hilde, let me hold you in my arms tonight?"

Hilde nodded her head against his and she found herself swept up in his arms. She wrapped hers around his neck as he carried her up the stairs to her room. Her feet touched the floor as he planted another searing kiss on her lips, making her insides riot some more. "Duo," she whimpered. 

His hands slid down over the supple curves of her body. He wanted her so badly. He could feel her warmth, her soft moist lips, and the gentle stroke of her hands on the back of his neck. The need to make love to her was powerful, but he wouldn't. Not yet. "Hilde, don't move, sweetheart. I want you so bad, but I want to wait. I want to be married to you before I make love to you. It's only fitting this time."

She smiled against his mouth. "I can't wait until you do marry me. I want to be with you too." she leaned away from him and pressed her forehead against his chin. "Let me put something else on. I'll be right back," she said as she slipped out of his embrace. 

"Hey, nothing that's going to drive me crazy," Duo said as he pulled her back and gave her a kiss on the nose and then her lips. 

"All right," Hilde replied as she went to her closet. She pulled off her dress and bra and slipped into a soft white cotton nightdress. The gauzy fabric glided against her skin. It only came down to mid thigh. A nervous hand ran through her hair before she walked back into the room. "Duo," she called softly. 

Duo turned and gasped quietly as his eyes fell on her. She was an angel, a siren, all rolled into one tiny package. He gave her a lopsided grin. "Are you trying to drive me insane?"

"Maybe," she answered as she pulled down the covers of her bed. She gave him a sultry smile as she slid under the sheets. "Come to bed." 

That smile sent a chord of desire straight through him. He yanked off his shirt and pushed his jeans down his legs in record time, leaving him in bright red boxers. He slid in next to her and gathered her close before finding her mouth with his. He kissed her ravenously, his one hand sliding down her waist to her hip, to her bare thigh. "You feel so good," he murmured against her mouth. 

The feel of his warm and calloused hand on her leg, made her melt even more. She curved her body into his, wrapping her arms around the breadth of his back. The muscles rippled under her hands. "You feel good too."

His mouth left hers and traveled down the smooth column of her neck. He placed tender kisses against the base of her throat. The feel of her hands running over him, made his heart race and his blood throb in his veins. He felt her one leg sliding over the back of his, teasing him, and enticing him to lie between her thighs. He couldn't help himself and covered her body completely with his. 

Hot liquid need shot between her thighs as she felt his erection pressing into her. "Oh, Duo," she whimpered softly as she bent her neck back under his ministrations. Her hips arched against his. 

"Damn, I want you," he growled as he felt the wetness of her flesh pressing against him. But with every fiber of his being, he wouldn't. "Lay still and just let me hold you. I can't concentrate when you do that," he commented as he pressed his cheek against her neck. 

The only sound that could be heard in the room was their breathing. Hilde could feel the pounding of his heart against hers. She closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of having him like this. This was a dream come true. She hugged him even tighter. "Don't ever let me go, Duo."

"I won't. I'll never let you go again, Hilde. Never."

His words brought more tears to her eyes as he lifted himself off of her and drew her back against his chest. She curled against him, her hand finding his around her waist. His breath was sending chills down the back of her neck, making her smile. "I love you, Duo." She closed her eyes. 

"I love you too, Hilde," Duo replied as he pressed another kiss on the back of her neck before closing his eyes. But this time was different. He wouldn't have to dream. She was right there in his arms, where she belonged. 

_A/N: I got them together, finally! There will be some more coming soon, so stay tuned to the conclusion of "I Will Never Be The Same." XOXO!!_


	14. Will you?

_Disclaimer: I don't own them except for the kids!_

I Will Never Be The Same, Part 11 

Duo nuzzled his nose against something warm and soft. He sniffed. A grin touched his lips. Whatever it was, it smelled good too. He pressed his lips against the warmth before pulling away and running his tongue along the bottom of his lip. _"Tastes good too," he thought as he smiled again. Then something silky brushed against his nose. Mustering the strength, he peeked one eye open. Midnight locks greeted his view. He opened both eyes and beheld the shining softness of his Hilde's ebony tresses. He could feel the weight of her breasts on his forearm that he had wrapped around her. Pulling her tighter against him, he started pressing kisses against her fragrant skin. _

Hilde's lashes fluttered as she felt warm lips against her ear. Smiling, she knew exactly who it was. Folding her arm over the one holding her, she trailed her fingers over it. "Trying to wake me up, mister?" she murmured.

"Sort of," he replied as he gently nipped her ear. Chills ran up his arm from her lazy caress. "It feels good waking up next to you. You smell good. Taste good too."

Chuckling at his response she turned her head to look into those brilliant cobalt eyes of his. "Love the compliments first thing in the morning, Duo. Fishing for something?" she teased. 

"Oh, just a good morning kiss," he responded with a boyish grin. 

"Aren't you cute," Hilde laughed as she rolled over and cuddled against him. "But those were nice words, so yes, I think I'll give you a good morning kiss," she said as she pressed her lips against his. 

Gathering her close, he opened his mouth over hers. Her lips parted willingly to allow the intrusion of his tongue. He swept the silky wet interior of her mouth at leisure. His hands glided down her hips and curved around her derriere, molding her too him. He ended the kiss after a few minutes, slowly removing his lips from hers. Pressed a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. "I love you," he said as he looked into her eyes. 

Tears from his words burned the back of her lids as she laid a hand against his cheek. "I love you too, Duo," she said with a trembling smile. She burrowed herself closer to his warm body and let out a yawn. "Can we go back to sleep again? It's only eight. Way too early for a Saturday," she murmured, closing her eyes. 

"Yeah, we can sleep some more," Duo, replied as he moved his hands to a more respectable level around her waist. He moved his fingers in soothing circles on her back as she cuddled up against him. It was torture being like this with her, but he wouldn't have it any other way. She was going to be his wife, the woman of his dreams. Closing his own eyes, he let the sound of her rhythmic breathing lull him back to sleep. 

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Brendan rubbed his eyes as they sought out the clock on his bedside table. His ears strained for any sound that his mother or Duo would be up. "Funny, mom's not up yet and it's close to eight thirty," he wondered aloud as he slid from under his blankets. Peering out into the hallway, he quietly made his way to Duo's room at the opposite end of the hall. He knocked once, but didn't hear anything. Pushing open the door, he poked his head in. The bed was still made, no sign of the man he looked up to. A puzzled look came into his cobalt eyes as he turned and went towards his mother's room. Knocking again and not hearing an answer, he craned his head around the door. What his eyes found made a wide smile cross his lips. "About time," he said, as the smile became a pleased smirk. Shutting the door again, he rubbed his hands together. "Mommy will be happy now and Duo will take care of her." Still smirking with triumph, he made his way down the stairs to make his own breakfast. 

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Hilde awoke first this time. She smiled against his neck as she felt his breath wafting over the top of her head. Her hands slid from his chest to his waist and wrapped them around him. Leaning back a little, she studied him. Chestnut bangs fell over his forehead in a boyish manner, brushing against his arched brows. She laughed silently as he wrinkled his nose and mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep. She never realized how lush his lashes were as they lay against his cheeks. She could only achieve that lushness with a mascara wand. Lifting her hand from his side, she placed it against his cheek. He looked so handsome and so adorable as he slept. It made her heart ache on how much she really loved him. "Duo," she whispered.

His nose twitched and he mumbled again.

Not being able to stop the faint chuckle that rose to her lips, she pressed a quick kiss on his. "Come on, sleepyhead, time to wake up."

"No," was Duo's petulant, child like reply. His face scrunched up, his eyes still closed. 

Hilde rolled her eyes. She remembered how difficult it was to wake him up in the morning. He liked to ignore her and roll over. It always made her madder than hell. And that was before she discovered that her cooking was the solution. It woke him up and he would make a beeline for the kitchen and his plate. He was her braided glutton. "Come on, Duo. I'll make you some pancakes, with scrambled eggs, a slice of ham, and my famous hash browns. You can also have all the maple syrup you want."

His eyes popped open from her last statement. "Maple syrup and hash browns?"

She broke out into laughter at his sudden response. "Well that woke you up quick enough."

Duo grinned at her. "Well you're promising food, babe, how can I not wake up?"

"Such a glutton," Hilde said as she tweaked his nose before sliding out from his arms. Walking over to her closet, she pulled on a soft cotton wrapper. She looked back towards the bed. He was leaning on his elbow, staring at her. There was heat in his eyes. It made her flush and her insides feel all jittery. "Stop looking at me like that, Duo."

"And how am I looking at you?"

"Like you're mentally undressing me."

An unrepentant smirk crossed his features as he gazed up at her. "But it's so much fun," he replied as he scooted to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over the side. He let his eyes slide over her, from her tousled hair all the way down to her very pink painted toes, and all that was in between. Dressed in white like she was, she looked just like an angel. His angel. Holding out his hand to her, he got down on one knee. 

Tears flooded her eyes again as she took his hand. 

Raking his teeth across his lips, he took a deep breath. "Hilde, will you marry me?"

A few of her tears slipped down her cheeks. "Yes, Duo, yes," she said, nodding her head. 

His own throat constricted painfully as he stood up and gathered her into his arms. He caught her tears on his fingers, gently wiping them away. "I've been waiting to ask you that since forever. You were the one I should have asked to marry me in the first place. I've always loved you, Hil. Always. And now, it'll be forever. You're never leaving my side ever again."

"Oh, Duo," Hilde said tearfully as she gave him a fierce hug. His words warmed her heart and soul. The dream that she had carried around for so long was finally coming true. The man she had loved since she was a teenager was now going to be her husband. When her tears subsided, she leaned back against his arms. "We'll have to tell Brendan."

"I don't think that'll be a problem, babe. He adores me and you know, I think he's wanted me for you because I said I liked you. You're his entire world and he thinks that I can make you happy," he said as he stared into her blue violet eyes, "And I hope that I'll live up to his expectations."

With a quivering smile, she nodded her head. "You will. Don't worry about that." 

"Come on, lets go see if he's up, and then you can make me that breakfast you promised," Duo said as he grasped onto her hand and opened the door. He heard the sound of the TV downstairs. "Look's like he's already up and eating."

"Yeah, he's a little pig, just like his father," Hilde said cheekily as she walked in front of him. She smirked at him over her shoulder. 

He made a face at her comment and gave her a playful swat on her rear, earning an indignant expression. He smiled innocently in return. 

Hilde rolled her eyes. "Men," she muttered as they walked into the kitchen and into the family room. The both of them stopped to watch Brendan's legs swing back and forth in the air. He was laying on one of the huge floor pillows and in front of that was his huge cereal bowl. He was still eating out of it. "Good morning, Brendan."

Brendan rolled his head back, so he was looking at them upside down. "About time the two of you woke up," he said with a bright smile on his lips. 

Her eyes widened. "You knew we were still sleeping?"  
  


Finally turning around and into a sitting position, he bobbed his head, making his black bangs brush against his forehead. "I wanted to see if either of you were awake yet, so I peeked in your room. You looked happy, mommy, with Duo there with you."

Her mouth fell open. 

Duo stared at his son with amazement, before he gave a shout of laughter. He glanced at Hilde out of the corner of his eye. "Oh come on, babe. You have to admit, he's good, real good," he turned back to Brendan. "You knew I would wait up for her, didn't you?"

Brendan shook his head again. "Yup. You didn't look too happy when she left with what's his name, so I figured you would wait until she came home. And I saw you with her. You were smiling just like she was." 

He let go of Hilde's hand and knelt down in front of his son. "And how would you like it, if I told you that I asked mom to marry me?"

A wide grin stretched across his face. "I would like it a lot. She wouldn't be up all night with you with her. And I like you."

"And I like you too, Brendan," Duo said he gave the small boy a hug. 

Once again, tears pricked the back of Hilde's eyes. She knelt down next to them. "Brendan, I have something to tell you too. It might come as a shock to you, but I hope you'll be all right with it," she said as she turned him to face her. Smoothing back his charcoal locks, she smiled into his cobalt eyes. "I was married when you were born. Do you remember Richard?"

"Yes," he said, shaking his head. 

"Well, he was your father at the time. I mean, he was the man that took care of you and me, but…you weren't really his…you were Duo's," she said, slowly, watching his face as he assimilated the information. 

Brendan scrunched his forehead as he looked back and forth between his mother and Duo. Duo was looking at him. Turning to the older man, he studied him. "Can I see a mirror, mom?"

Struck by her son's odd request, she nodded her head and went to get her mirror out of her purse. Handing it to him, she watched as he held up to his face and then to his father's. 

Tilting his head, he looked at his reflection and then at Duo's. "You have the same eyes as me."

Duo nodded. "Yes, we do, otherwise you take after your mother with her hair color."

The five year old turned back to his mother, who looked expectant. "Ok. I think I understand. But why didn't you marry him when you knew he was my father?"  
  


Hilde let out a sigh of relief. "It's a long story saved when you're a bit older, love. You're not upset with me?"

"No, but I think in a way, I knew that Richard wasn't really my dad. He didn't feel like it when he would come and visit us with auntie Charlotte." He turned to look at Duo. "I'm glad that you're my dad. Will you live here with us or will mommy and I come to live with you?"

Duo smiled and ruffled his son's thick hair. "If mom doesn't mind leaving New York, you'll come to live with me in the Sanc Kingdom over in Europe. And if she wants to stay here, we'll stay here."

Hilde shook her head. "I would like to go back to the Sanc, Duo. I miss the rest of the gang and it will be good for Bren to meet our friends there. Do any of them have children yet?"

With a grin, he nodded. "Heero and Relena have twins, Conner and Clarissa. Both of them look like him, except for the eyes of course. And Sally and the Wu-man have a girl named Midori. Cute little thing that looks just like her mom. Quat finally married Trowa's big sister. And Trowa…still keeps the hearts aflutter by still being single."

Hilde looked back at Brendan. "Do you want to live there or do you want to stay here?"

"I want you to be happy, mom. I want to see this other place where you and dad are from."

Duo felt his throat get tight when Brendan called him dad. He hugged him tight. "Thanks, son. You'll like it over there, I promise. But you know what, we'll get married right here in New York. You'll get to meet all mom and dad's friends before going back to Europe."

Brendan nodded his head as he threw his arms around his father's neck. "I would like that."

Duo squeezed him tight again, before pulling Hilde into the family hug. He kissed her lips. "Is that all right with you?"

"Fine with me," Hilde said as she put her arms around him and their son. She kissed him back. "I love you, Duo."

"Love you too, babe," he said as he pressed a long sweet kiss on her lips as he held the two most important people in his life, in his arms at last.__

_A/N: I know it's been along time (cringes from some glares) but it's here at last. Another installment of Duo and Hilde for your reading pleasure. I hope you liked it! XOXO!!_

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